[Spiderson Oneshots]

Wisdom Teeth

 - the title says it all

- irondad

- peter being high asf

"Mr. Stark, you promise you wont be mean when I'm high out of my mind after the procedure?" Peter asked as he exited the car.

"Whaatt? Nooo I would never." Tony said the words Peter wanted to hear but his tone said otherwise.

As they arrived at the dentist's office, Peter eyed the tools on the little rolling table every dentist seemed to have.

"Are you sure I'm not here to die, Mr. Stark-?"

"Alrighty, Peter! How long has it been?" The dentist interrupted, "Ten months? A year? You didn't make it to the last routine check-up so i hope you've been keeping up with your brushing and god forsaken flossing- oH my god, it's Tony Stark!" 

"The one and only."

The dentist shook Tony's hand, astonished.

"So great to meet you, sir! If I may ask, what exactly are you doing at this.. not exactly best of the best dentist's office?" he asked the billionaire.

"Oh, I'm his uhh.. boss and guardian."

"I though May was his..?"

"She... passed away last year, bone cancer."

"My condolences." he turned to Peter, "Let's get this done now, okay?"

"Y-yeah.." Peter nervously agreed, stepping up to the chair.

- teem skeep-

"It's alright," Tony tried to console Peter as the boy sobbed hysterically in the car, "Your tongue will grow back. It'll grow back, Peter."

"BuT yoU rEaLLy dOn't kNoOw!!" Peter cried, "YoU dON't kNoW!!"

"It'll grow back."

"MaYBe it wiLL mAyBe iT woNt!!"

Tony pulled out Peter's favourite teddy bear he had named Bartholomew III.

"Does Bartholomew III have a tongue?" Tony asked.

"This Bartholomew doesn't have a tongue.." Peter's face was streaked with tears.

"He does have a tongue, his mouth his closed."

"Is my mouth closed.?"

"No your mouth is open, you're talking."

"I can't see :(."

"You wanna see?" Tony handed his phone which had his camera on selfie mode to Peter.

Peter looked at his face on the screen, mouth open-ish.

"I don't have a tongue.. iT weNt aWAYyY!!"

Tony sighed and pressed play on the radio, where some Kidz Bop started playing. This immediately calmed Peter down because he started singing along and doing a little silly dance.

"I LoVE tHis sOngGGgG!!"

But as soon as the song ended, Peter's energy died down by 500% and now he was back to sad.

"I'm sAd.."

"Why are you sad?" Tony asked, amused at this point.

"Because patrol is sTUpid!"

"Patrol? Why are you thinking about patrol?"

"YeEsss i dOn't wAnNa gO to wOrk nO mOre.."

"I'll call your boss, I'll give you three days off."

"I- I think I asked for more than three days off.."

"Oh you need more than three days off?"

"Yeeah.."

"Where do you work at?"

"I'm sTUPId sPiderMaN.."

"Oh I'll tell your boss."

Tony's phone rang. He answered it, on facetime.

"Hey Pete?"

"Whaaat?"

"Bucky is saying hello." Tony turned the phone to face the boy.

"hI BUCKY I MISS YOU WHY AREN'T YOU HERE WITH ME- oOh i'm gETtiNg sAd aGaiN I dON't eVEn kNow whY.."

"Bucky was the one who noticed the inflammation and made you get it checked out."

"yEAh sTuPID BUCKY! WhY diD yOu mAke mE geT mY sMarT teEth oUt! ThAt WaS rUUuUuuUDeE!"

Tony started laughing hysterically along with the rest of the avengers who had come to see who the heck dared to yell at Bucky on his phone.

Then the car took a big left turn. 

Peter was high as a kite, and was not expecting the turn to be so big, immediately sticking to the seat and looking bewildered, as if he just saw Toomes again.

Tony decided to have some fun.

"Hey Pete?"

"yEah..?"

"Did you know that I'm... super cool?"

Peter's hand immediately slapped to his mouth, shook.

"rEaLLY? cAn i geT your autograph?" Peter looked at his hand as he felt it feel weird, "eEWwwW tHerE's soMetiNg iCKy on my hANd.."

Then he looked at his reflection on the window.

"eEwWww i'm so uGly.."

"Pete you're not ugly."

"tHat's why i don't have a boyfriend..."

"Boyfriend? You gay?"

"nO.. i'm Bi-der man."

"Alright bud."

Tony noticed the gauze hanging out of Peter's mouth.

"Kid, come here. Lemme get that for you." Tony pinched the gauze, accidentally letting the originally white but now pink because of blood gauze fall into Peter's hands.

"wHAT IS THAT?! EEEEE MY TONGUE FELL OUT-"

"I thought you didn't have a tongue?"

"WELL I DO NOW, ANTHONY!"

"It's gauze."

"yOU'rE a gaUze."

Peter stuck his fingers in his mouth.

"Is my tongue all gone? i cANt finD mY toNGuE- yOU KidNaPpEd mE!!!" 

Peter began sobbing all over again, laying down in the back seat.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- 

Tony clicked the off button on the screen that was playing back the car camera footage. The entirety of the avengers are laughing hysterically after watching the footage, Peter shook.

"aND YOU GUYS DID NOTHING TO COMFORT ME IN MY MISERY??" Peter yelled.

:DDD