The Inkwell presents: Facing the Consequences

Searching the River

Written by Abigail Winslow

"I don't think we will find it, Eveline," Quinn said as she balanced on the rocks at the river bank's edge. Luckily, we hadn't had rain in quite a while, so instead of the roaring, rushing waters the river usually contained, a mere trickle down a nearly dried-up stream was all that remained, providing the perfect opportunity to find what I was looking for.

"It has to be here, Quinn. It just has to be." I sighed in exasperation, my fingers caked in dirt from the day's previous explorations.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Quinn placed a hand on her hip. I couldn't blame her for her frustration. The sun was slowly lowering in the sky, and we had traveled along the river's edge all day to find it. This was all I had. The last piece of my childhood, the last part of him I had left. There was nothing else—just this.

Desperation coursed through my veins. Was this truly the place I remembered? Or was this yet another jigsaw piece for my mind to fumble over? "I'm hoping so, but I don't know anything at this point. Everything looks so different."

Quinn smiled. "Well, yeah, that's what happens when you return twenty years later, hoping to find something from when you were a teenager."

"You understand why, right?"

She looked at me, her gaze singing of pity and sympathy. "Of course I do. He's your one that got away. This is the last chance to obtain something of him."

"And the fact that, no matter what, I'll never see him again." A tear fell down my face, quickly wiped away. I needed to stay focused, not get lost in my inner monologue.

"I know." She sighed as she dusted off her overalls. "Doesn't help that we are in our thirties now. No one warned us that pretty much everything hurts the minute you cross from twenty-nine into the dirty thirties."

I chuckled quietly. This was supposed to be fun, I reminded myself. This was the opportunity to find what he wanted to say to me, what he wanted for me. I had no idea what true happiness meant, but I hoped Sam could give me the answer, even if the answer was from twenty years in the past. Sloshing into the water, I ran my hand along the riverbank's edge, looking for that one rock, the one with the jagged-but-smooth edges, and the stick he placed right next to it. Nothing felt out of the ordinary, just another plain old riverbank. Again.

"I'm not finding anything!" I cried, panic reverberating in my bones. It had to be here. What he left me before forcing me to say goodbye. Urging me to move on and start my life. Now, here I was, close to forty, forever alone and with nothing but my cat and childhood friends. I hadn't moved on. I continued living in the past, wondering what I could've done to change his mind. Or, what would've happened if I had the power to keep him.

Quinn quickly joined me in the water, placing her hands on my shoulders, "Hey, it's gonna be okay. We are going to find it. It may not be today, but we will."

I swiped at the droplet creeping out of my eye. "Okay."

"Good." She smiled. "Just take a deep breath."

"I still hate that he made me promise I wouldn't look for this for twenty years. Made me swear I would forget him and everything we had. And then, if I wanted or remembered, I could come back and find this."

"Some kid logic, huh? Believing you would be able to forget." Quinn brought a finger to her lip, deep in thought. "Shows how dumb we were back then."

"Right? Like I would forget. How could he ever think that?"

"Because kids are dumb. They live their lives in the present, struggling to look beyond their earliest memories, those fading through their fingers like sand, unable to grasp. They don't understand that adults remember every regret."