letters to you.

• to sufferings •

from earth,
to heaven.

you opened up a cavern of emotions for me.
i'll forever be grateful to the words
i learnt in this lifetime
because those served as the only way
i could put myself out into the world,
where i can't survive
with the absence of melody.

and i think for me,
that is why i love songs.

dear sufferings,

                             you're an undesirable home amid cruelties, and you know i'm delicate. i'll try to let everyone know i am, but fail horribly. i worry about too many things, and struggle to put it into words, and cry when i couldn't. i sit up at 3 am in the morning wondering if i'd be loved as much i love. i thought i was crazy to touch fire and candlewax as a kid, but turned out i was just, a very masochistic girl who just couldn't put up with what i was going through. i lie a lot, i can't get myself to trust anyone in my life and still wake in nights to cry about it, and maybe, even if that makes me feel like a horrible person i know for me, deep down, there's a place only reserved for me, and i'll just get to it only later in life after more and more painful lessons.

isn't it amazing how life is one thing, and in an instant, it becomes something else?

because, events happen, good or bad. and people think it's easy to find courage to face them, because i know it differs from person to person, and you are not a coward if you couldn't face what you have to.

you're the only person who knows you better than anyone in this world. and i think not being able to show or portray who you really are, is a struggle, because, misunderstandings. and even if you do have the courage, sometimes it all just goes wrong, doesn't it?

i think we're all somehow suffering the beauty complex- we want to be beautiful in some way, physically, mentally or both. we think it makes us pure, likeable, approachable and just, perfect.

the prospect of finding something real, and the race for it..

-discontinued-