torment in paradise

VII

he was stopped in the corridor before he could reach the staircase he knew Toby hid under during fights and taken again to a meeting room, this wasn't any 'you've been bad' meeting though this was a serious meeting. Phil was there along with his old therapist and his social worker, he gulped with terror yet managed to keep a steady persona of emotionless reaction. he was never the best at grasping the nature of rooms but this one had a sticky feeling, it felt like he was in serious trouble and he couldn't quite figure out why, sure he hit a dude and had a bandage around his hand again but usually this would result in another court appointed therapy session not whatever this was.
'hi Phil' his voice came out in a trembling squeak blowing his cover right away yet as he looked up to meet Phils eyes they weren't that of disappointment but care. this made a wave of nausea wash through Tommy's stomach as the general sense of trust issues buried itself deep within his mind reminding him of abandonments prior.
'I heard you hurt yourself alot in the past Tommy and I just wanted a quick check in with your support team to see what I can do to help but-' his lingering gaze fixed itself upon the bloodied bandage around Tommy's small fist and he took a sharp unnerving breath in, Tommys head shot up at this sound in fear that this breath was the noise of a man who'd given up already, he continued with a solemn voice 'it seems maybe the meeting was a tad too late' his eyes pricked with tears that Tommy couldn't quite fathom the reason behind.
'I'm fine I just got into a fight with Toby and sometimes I punch walls when I'm mad but it's the first time in 6 months I promise I won't do it again. Toby really needs this placement please' Phils eyes widened in what Tommy thought was the terror of being called out but what was really shock of how badly the boys must've been treated prior.
'I'm not cancelling the placement Tommy don't worry man I just wanted to transfer you to a therapy place near me and we needed your signature for the paper' a glimmer of relief flickered it's way through the unnerving flames of Tommy's psyche. the meeting went as smooth as a meeting could go, it was very short as Phil had to return to work and his therapist had another appointment so after a brief 10 minutes of assement and signing he was left out in the corridors again. he beelined directly to the stairs where Toby usually dwelled yet found a new deeper feeling of fear instead in Tobys absence, he searched the entire home, or as much as he could before the lunch bell rung and not even a crumb of evidence that Toby was anywhere could be found.
sitting in his usual corner his head scanned the room apprehensively until finally giving into the urge to eat, he had had his head down for about 5 minutes before he felt the warmth of another body next to him, he looked up fearful it would be a bully or an older kid here to take his food but to his joyous surprise it was Toby himself. he didn't dare speak as not to scare him away, they just sat in comforting silence as they had many years ago, Tobys eyes scanned the other boys hand and glistened gently, he ripped his eyes away before Tommy could study the emotion behind them and they fell into contentment. neither made a move to leave even long after Tommy finished his sandwich and they just sat soaking in the companionship they so dearly craved.

as if Toby could hold it in much longer he blurted out with a question, cutting the veil of silence with a his sharp tongue and frantic tone 'why did you do that' the question was obviously aimed at Tommy's hand as they had known eachother for so long he didn't bother to ask what happened. Tommy just shook his head lightly in response yet Toby continued to stare obviously still awaiting the answer.
'I... I was angry because I messed everything up' Toby seemed to take in his sentence and tear it apart before replying again.
'you didn't mess everything up, maybe just a couple of things' the emphasis on the word everything made Tommy chuckle a little and granted him the small ounce of confidence to make momentary eye contact, while doing so he realised the side of Tobys face that he couldn't see earlier was painted a nasty shade of red and blue. Tommy knew a fresh bruise when he saw one and perked up into his protective nature almost immediately. as not to scare Toby due to the bandage on his hand already partly doing that he asked in the nicest tone he could muster 'and what happened to you' it came out a little harsher than he expected but Toby didn't seem to mind and replied the same way Tommy had prior. Tommy stared enough to squeeze out an answer.
'the kids... they called you something and I pushed one of them but they're stronger than me' guilt ate away at Tommy's gut and a familiar feeling of restlessness washed over him, everything was his fault and as much as he wanted to run away and distance himself from Toby to protect him he couldn't bring himself to do it. he knew from countless late night and early morning talks that that was the last thing Toby wanted so he stayed put. despite not usually being one for affection especially not in front of so many people he pulled the smaller boy into a tight hug, Toby had entrusted him with the information prior that the only hugs he appreciate were ones that applied equal force and that's exactly what Tommy's hugs did each time, somehow exerting the same amount of pressure on each side of Tobys body.
a harsh sniffle came from above and as they pulled away Toby could see the tears that glistened on Tommy's cheeks, he reached up to wipe them off with the sleeve of his 'lazy day' green hoodie of which he owned about 3. Tommy smiled in slight embarrassment that this room of kids had seem him shed a few tears yet as he looked around not a single person was looking at him. an idea seems to kindle in his mind, that his life was his and sometimes no one else is watching, the small private moments shared in rooms full of chatter feel more private then one's experienced behind closed doors. his took this small moment and grounded himself with it, he studied the room as best he could and took note of every small thing around him.