Dear Katie (BoyxBoy)

37

Dear Katie, 

I kept having breakdowns. I kept crying until the early dawn, no matter how tight Luca hugs me, no matter how comforting his whispers are. Soft and mostly incoherent voices hitting my ear while we huddle together in the dark. I was so heart-broken about you that I forgot that Luca might also feel the same. I wasn’t suffering alone, he’s just suffering quietly as he tries to keep it together, because I couldn’t. 

And so, when the night came and he held me in his arms. For the first time ever since we started holding on for each other for comfort, I turned around and looked at him. He was confused, his green eyes searching mine for answers. But I didn’t answer. I didn’t say anything. I gave him an unsure and tentative smile. I want to convey with my eyes all the words that I couldn’t say ; ‘I know you’re not okay, but it’s okay.’

This time I would be the one to comfort him. This time I’ll be strong and he’ll be the one who breaks. He furrows his brows at me one more time and I cup his face with my palms. I looked him straight in the eyes and he nodded, as if he understood, all the unspoken words that never slipped past my lips.

The tears in his eyes followed soon after, even while he’s still nodding, the tears kept flowing. And I held him, burying his face into my neck, kissing his feathered hair, whispering incoherent words that mildly resemble ‘it’s okay’.

I told him it’s okay even if it’s not. I can feel his tears seeping through my shirt, searing hot drops into my skin. He kept crying and his hands kept on holding me tight.

And I never want to let him go. He cried until he fell asleep. I held him until he woke up the morning after.

And I would’ve kept holding him until the end of the world.