hopefully helpful marvel oneshots

*Bucky & Reader

WARNINGS: panic attacks, self harm, depression, swearing, blood, blades, cutting, description of cutting and blood, relapse, nightmares, flashbacks

REQUEST: y/n suffers from panic attacks, depression and also self harms. Bucky being their best friend helps them through it 
   (Private)

***

This was the first time you and Bucky would have to share a room. You guys have been sent on a mission together and you were cramped in a little rundown B&B. There was only one bed so Bucky offered to sleep on the floor, after some disagreement you just decided to let him do what he wanted. In all the years you and Bucky had been friends you'd never shared a room, changed together or slept in the same bed, though you did often steel his big shirts to sleep in. 

But by not sharing rooms or changing together you'd managed to keep your struggles to a downlow and pretty much hidden from him. But tonight in this room you were having a bad night. You'd woken up once already with a flash back nightmare which you'd managed to calm yourself from. But as you layed there the nightmare ran round and round in your head causing your breathing to pick up. 

(TW)
You got yourself up walking to the tiny, dim-lit bathroom, looking for something sharp. Your eyes set on Bucky's razor. You grabbed it, breaking off the blades and dropping the plastic into the sink. You took the sharps from it and dragged it across your previously scared area, then watched at the blood fall into red lines. You slid down the wall and layed your head back touching the wall, you took a few deep breathes and put the bloody blades on the side of the sink. 
Pulling yourself up you looked into the mirror, you looked down to your fresh cuts and sighed. You picked up a cloth and cleaned them up a bit, you walked back into your room, looking on the floor to check Bucky was still asleep. When you were content that he was asleep you changed into one of his shirts and a pair of joggers, hiding the fresh cuts. 

You layed in bed and tried once again to sleep, it had been about 30 minutes and your thoughts were getting louder. Your breathing picked up again as your thoughts got louder still. You tried to be quiet as sobs racked through you, you hand going over your mouth trying to muffle them. You rolled over, putting your head into the pillow, ignoring the stale sent. 

You're panic attack was only intensifying, your breathing was getting heavier and everything seemed to be getting tighter. 
B:" Y/n?" 
Bucky's hors voice spoke, breaking your downward spiral of thoughts. 
You heard shuffling as Bucky sat up confused, then stood up when he didn't get a reply. 

B:" Y/n? C'mon Doll, what's up?" 
He slipped in your nickname in an effort to calm you. 
When he didn't get a response for the second time from you he carefully crawled onto the other side of the bed you were on, he spoke up again
B:" Y/n, can you look at me?" 
When he once again didn't get a response he carefully inched towards you, putting you his flesh hand out to gently grab your arm. He pulled you towards him while softly saying 
B:" It's me, It's Buck. Your safe Doll... Shh, it's Bucky, you're alright" 

Once he'd pulled you up to look at him he led you into taking breaths with him 
B:" In...1...2...3...Out... You're okay, you're okay" 
He repeated this with you until you slumped against his shoulder. 
B:" What happened there?" 

You sat up to look at him. You debated lying to him and just saying it was a bad dream, but you knew he knew you better than that, and he would see straight through the lie. 
y/n:" I - I um. I've had panic attack for a while now. They just worsen when I'm somewhere unfamiliar" 
You tired brushing it off as nothing but Bucky was your best friend, he knew you well. 
B:" Why didn't you tell me before. You know I get them - heck - you've seen me and helped me with them. Why won't you let me help you?" 
You shrugged your shoulders looking down at the crumpled blankets on the bed

y/n:" I just didn't want you to think I was weak, or somethign" 
He looked at you, and just by that look alone you knew that he knew you were lying to him 
B:" I don't like it when you lie to me" 
y/n:" I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to bother you" 
B:" You like my favourite human, you're never a bother to me y/n" 
You just look at him and let out a slight, half-assed, breathy laugh.

He smiled towards you
B:" Everything alright now? Do you think you can go back to sleep?"
You hesitantly nod your head and go to lay down.
B:" Wake me up if you need anything"
You layed there for a while in silence, before rolling over and looking at Bucky in the floor.

y/n:" Buck..."
You whispered in a quiet voice trying to see if he was awake
B:" Yes?"
y/n:" I can't sleep"
He slowly sat up, he picked up his pillow and stood up.
He stood at the side you you 
B:" Move over"
You suffled over making room for him, he put the pillow down and got under his blanket. 

B:" Just so you know, I'm not doing this for you. I just don't want to sleep on the floor, there's spiders down there" 
y/n:" Of course Bucky" 
You spoke with a sarcasm lased tone causing both of you to burst out laughing. You rolled over facing away from him 
y/n:" Night twat" 
B:" Night dickhead" 

The next morning Bucky woke up first, decideing to showered and get himself ready for the day before waking you up; he' say it was because you hog the bathroom but actually he was worried about you because of last night. 

He walked into the bathroom with his clothes and wash bag, putting them down on the sink he noticed his broken razor. He looked down at it confused before his eyes widened and he realised. He dropped his stuff and walked to you, razor in his metal hand, he shook you awake with his flesh one. 

y/n:" What? What's happened? What's wrong?" 
You sat up quickly, making yourself slightly dizzy and looking around. You saw the look on Bucky's face and thought he was having a panic attack 
y/n:" It's okay" 
You normal soft voice spoke through as you would when he was struggling. 
B:" I need you to tell me the truth" 

His emotionless voice confused you. As you looked up towards him he looked away from you. 
y/n:" Umm, sure..." 
You voice came out uncertain
B:" What did you do with my razor last night?" 

Your head snapped straight up to look at him. As his eyes finally caught yours, you could see all of the emotions he was trying to hide to run through them. 
You were silenced, not knowing what to say or do in that moment you just looked back down towards the blanket. 
B:" Doll..." 

y/n:" I hurt myself, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear, I bet you knew though. You're not stupid and it wasn't hard to figure it out" 
As soon as you snapped at him tears filled your eyes and you began to mumble apologies. 

He walked towards you, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbed your shoulder. 
B:" It's okay"
His soft voice mimicking the one you used yourself earlier.   
You fall into his shoulder, resting your head, as his arm runs around to your shoulder, gently rubbing up and down your arm. 

Once you were calm he spoke up 
B:" I'm not going to as why, all I'm going to say it you need to clean them and cover them. I'm not mad - I know what it's like to have those voices, just know your not alone" 

a/n - Okay, this is a bit personal but I don't have a best friend, I don't really have any close friends so I kinda made this up because I don't know how best friends act around eachother. I hope it's okay tho. Let me know if anything needs changing. 

Smile and have a nice day xx