Mean Bands (Bandom version of Mean Girls)

Emo Dads and Burn Books

"Did you see Andy's dad is working out?" Brendon asks me, climbing out of Andy's truck. "His abs are hard as rocks!" "How would you know that?" Andy wonders, sounding disgusted. "Let's go inside. DAD, I'M HOME!" The door swings open to reveal Andy's dad.

*note - Andy's dad in this story is my own character. He is not meant to represent Andy Hurley's real life dad in any way*

A tall tattooed man walks up to us. "Hey, young bloods! Oh, Andy, did you bring home a new friend?"

"Yeah," Andy says. "Patrick, this is my dad." Andy's dad looks me in the eyes and tells me, "Just tell me if you need anything. We have no rules in this house, because I'm not like a regular dad, I'm an emo dad!"

"Dad, please stop," Andy says, looking rather embarrassed. "Alright," Andy's dad laughs. "I'm going to go make you poisoned youths a hump day treat. See ya!"

We head up to Andy's bedroom, which is huge. There's two drum kits, a bunch of heavy metal posters, and a long full-length mirror. We gaze at our reflections when Andy scoffs, "My pores are awful!"

"Tell me about it," sighs Brendon. "My hairline is so weird, and my eyelashes suck!"

"My eyeliner is all messed up," Gerard says, pouting at his reflection.

I watch them as they discuss their flaws. Bad makeup? Eyelashes? Pores? I always thought there was just skinny and fat, but I guess there were more things a person could be self-conscious about. Trying to think of my own flaw, I say, "I have really bad breath in the mornings."

Gerard gags. "Gross!"

Andy and Brendon just stare at me. I start walking up to the mirror, but I trip and crash into Andy's bookcase. A black book falls down, and Andy's eyes light up.

"Guys, I forgot about this!" he exclaims. "Remember the burn book?"

"Oh my gosh, of course I do!" replies Brendon. "Yeah!" Gerard adds. "That was hilarious!"

Andy turns to me and explains, "The burn book was a book of things we wrote to make fun of people." He opens the book and starts reading. "Joe Trohman is lame," he says. "Still true!"

"Ooh, my turn!" squels Brendon, looking at the book. "Frank Iero is the stupidest member of My Chemical Romance." "He's still stupid, so still half true!" giggles Andy.

"Hey, look at this one. Hayley Williams - LOSER!!!" Andy continues, looking at a page with a picture of Hayley and Pete on it. "Who's the emo guy with her?"

"Oh, that's Pete Wentz," I say. "He's almost too emo to function." Andy laughs. "That's funny, Patrick. I'm putting it in the book." He starts writing under the picture of Hayley and Pete.

Uh-oh. Maybe that was only okay when Hayley said it...

My thoughts are interuppted when Andy's dad dashes into the room with a tray of drinks. "Drink up, it's last call, last resort!" he cheers.

I look at the drink suspiciously. "Is there any alchohol in this?" I ask. "No, we're straightedge," Andy's dad replies. "Okay, good," I say. "Because I'm running dry."

"So," Andy's dad asks us. "What's the 411? What is the hot new gossip you tortured souls are talking about? Is My Chemical Romance back together yet? What's going on?"

"Please leave, Dad," says Andy. Andy's dad leaves, and we continue looking at the burn book. There's insults and gossip about almost everyone at South Shore, like, Pete Wentz made out with a pizza, and Andy Biersack is a stupid goth.

Pulling out my phone, I text Pete and Hayley. Got serious information about the Plastics. I'll tell you all about it.