Bound in Love

Chapter 41

She hadn't been sleeping properly for a few days already. Ever since she confirmed her suspicions. To worsen things up, she had yet had the courage to talk to him. As he slept peacefully by her side with his blond hair scattered over his face and his pillow, Brenda was staring at the ceiling thinking of a way to talk to him. Things on tour were so crazy she didn't seem to find the right time besides the courage to do it. The sun was shining outside and the rays of light were piercing under the blinds. The clock read 9 am and they had gone to bed around 3 am. Jerry was loaded in alcohol, but she was sober for she hadn't had the courage to drink after the big news. Mornings had been hell for she had been sick almost every day for some time. That was what led her to do the test, though she knew her period was late. Brenda felt so trapped and helpless at the same time, that she covered her face with both hands, mentally asking for help on how to bring the subject up with Jerry who she was sure didn't want a baby in his life. He was living his wild days. He was living his dream. As these thoughts travelled inside her mind, her stomach churned just like in every other morning and Brenda knew she had to go.

Slowly, she turned on her side and pulled the covers away. As the churn became more intense, she didn't put her slippers on, she just tiptoed until the bathroom's door and turned the light on. Next, she closed the door gently and turned around to face the toilet. Immediately, she pulled the seat up and fell on her knees. The first vomit came right after and though she didn't have anything in her stomach, the vomits came one after another as if she was throwing up her insides. The nausea was excruciating and she wondered if Ellie had been the same. It had been so intense that she didn't feel him near her. Only when she began to stabilize her breathing, with her head still stuck in the toilet, she felt his presence inside the bathroom. The vomits have been loud enough to stir his sleep and she winced.

"Are you ok?" Jerry asked quietly and still with a sleepy voice.

Brenda just nodded for she was still trying to catch her breath. She raised an arm and flushed the toiled and then pulled back, sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped around her legs.

"Are you sure?" Jerry asked crouching behind her and she felt his hand brushing her tangled hair and Brenda felt tears invading her eyes. "You don't seem so fine..." He added.

"Yes." She replied, hoping her voice wouldn't shake for she was sustaining her crying.

Jerry ended up sitting on the bathroom's floor just like her with his back resting against the basin's armoire. He also wrapped his arms around his knees and he stared at her for a few seconds. Though he didn't say anything, Brenda could feel him staring at her and she didn't know what to say nor did she have the bravery to face him.

"Ok..." He breathed a while later. "I think I need to make things easier for you..." He said and that sentence made her turn her face to look at him though she still didn't say anything. Their eyes met for a few seconds and something in his blue eyes let her know he was paying attention to his surroundings and her heart sunk down. "Don't you have anything to tell me, B.?" He then asked. "I mean... I think you do..." Brenda was sure he knew about it and worse than that, she had been hiding it from him for days already.

"I am so sorry..." She said instead with tears in her eyes. "I am so sorry, Jer..."

"That's not exactly what I am expecting you to tell me." He told her, feeling his head pounding from all the alcohol he consumed the previous night.

"Jer..." Brenda cried.

"I am just waiting for you to say it." He insisted. "Come on... is it that hard?" Jerry looked in her eyes and he could see how it was costing her to have that conversation and that broke his heart.