500

Afterlife

I think I'm dead.

I can't say for certain. I've never been dead before. It sure doesn't feel like anything I've ever experienced. It doesn't feel like anything.

I look in the distance and see blankness. It's not like the pitch dark when your eyes are closed. It's the inexperienced indescribable. It's nothing.

I don't even hear myself breathe. I don't know if I breathe anymore. Do I have lungs? Or a heart. Or a brain.

I think, therefore I am. Congratulations. I am. I just don't know what I am anymore.

I dig into my memories. Memories are what make us, right? Thank God...or whoever runs this place... that I can still remember. Now what's the last thing I remember?

I was facing off against some random ice villain. I breathe fire, so I guess I got a little overconfident. Giant ice pick to the chest. I screamed as my insides became flash frozen gizzards. Then everything stopped. That's all. I'm here now.

My girlfriend says our afterlife is based on our beliefs. She's Christian Buddhist so she's going to some kind of Zen Heaven. I've changed religions so many times, then finally bounced safely into agnostic territory. But I've never been an atheist. I've always thought it's a bit presumptuous to say there's no higher being based on our limited knowledge. But this feels like some kind of atheist afterlife. Nothing to believe. Nothing all around.

That's just my stupid girlfriend's dumb theory, though. No wonder I'm cheating on the little airhead.

Wait. Cheating. Am I being punished for cheating? And for all my other sins. I killed Death Rager's lackey last year. That's got to be worse than cheating. But it was in self defense, so maybe not. I really wished someone could've given me a handbook on what's right and wrong before I got here. If you disobey a law you know about , you're  guily. If you disobey one you don't know, then you're innocent. Or you can at least plead the insanity defense. I really need a lawyer.

Maybe this is purgatory. It's about as good a definition of limbo as any. I wonder how long I've got to burn off all my sins.

Or maybe getting to heaven-ish is my responsibility. I just need to apply myself. I try to imagine I have arms and legs so I can swim to the bright light that all the back-from-deathers always describe.

Dumb idea. Why don't I just become a tachyon and zip faster than light to my eternal reward?

I guess because I want to hang onto my humanity. I want my senses back. I want my life back.

My life. Memories. Grab on to them. I can still remember, right? I don't think I can.

I hate chocolate. I was a superhero. I killed a man.

Is that me?  I only have slices of memories and I'm not sure they're mine or someone else's.

The dog won't stop barking...I'm in love...Cancer hurts...Raindrops taste purple..

I had a name...Once.

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