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Bad Hair Day

Immovable object, meet unstoppable force.

In one corner, we have Lady Locks, superhero and Instagram influencer. Mindi Marin thought it was hair dye, but it was really a secret  government serum. After she used it, her hair grew to Rapunzelesque lengths. It was now as tough as steel and she could control it to do her bidding. With such great power, she decided to become a supermodel.

In the other corner, we have the Gelatinous Dude. When Gus Grindle discovered what appeared to be glowing green jello lying on the street, he decided to eat it. Not very smart, but he was really hungry and really broke. Upon devouring it, he became a Volkswagen-sized translucent green Oompa Loompa with a flypaper sticky skin and the ability to absorb anything within his massive body. With his great power, he decided to join the circus. When they didn't want him, he also decided to become a supermodel. When that completely bombed, he turned to a life of crime.

Ten minutes ago, Gus robbed a candy store. Security there was pretty lax and he had one hell of a craving for chocolate and nougat.It was like stealing candy from a baby. Or more like stealing candy from an apathetic pimple-faced high school cashier named Cletus. It looked to be the perfect crime until two minutes ago.

Mindi had just maxed out another credit card. Her modeling career was in the toilet and her new career as a superhero wasn't doing any better. She needed something. A better costume? A catchier code name? Or...that's it! An arch nemesis.

Unfortunately for Gus, Lady Locks saw him bouncing out of the candy store and decided he would be the perfect arch enemy for her. He was giant, bright green and you could see all the lollipops and chocolate bars embedded in his giant glowing see-through body. Catching this guy would be a great photo op and would reignite her struggling career.

"Stop right there, or face the wrath of hair!" Mindi shouted as she jumped in front of the confused supervillain. A great battle cry was essential for a superhero. If it rhymed, even better.

Gus was not the type that was going to share his candy. Mindi was watching her weight so she certainly wasn't going to eat any. These two had no other recourse but to engage in epic combat.

Mindi's hair sprung to life like a hundred snakes springing out of a hundred cans. Her locks wrapped around the immense sticky corpulence that was her new arch-nemesis. Gus used his incredible absorption powers to suck Mindi's weaponized strands into his own body. Sadly Gus' abilities had limits and Mindi had way too much hair.

They were now at an impasse. Mindi's hair was stuck on Gus. Gus couldn't release the hair twisted around his glowing body.

The two just stood there as crickets chirped. A few passersby snapped photos but no one stopped to help. You just didn't get involved in these super battles. You could get hurt. Or stuck. That would be embarrassing.

The End. Pretty anticlimactic, I know. There was talk about publishing a sequel to this story so we could learn their fate, but we've already exceeded the 500 word limit.

But if you someday see a strand of golden hair flitting through the air or you look down to see you've just stepped in glowing green goop, just remember that modern-day gods once clashed in a legendary battle that briefly rocked the very foundations of our planet.

Excelsior!