SCARS

74 6 10
                                    

Client: slayeee

How it felt like when I was reading your book:

How it felt like when I was reading your book:

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

TITLE

I think it suits you perfectly! I believe that the story revolves best around new adult fiction and romance. Scars suit perfectly to every character in the book, so I think you did a wonderful job!


BLURB

The blurb was awesome! I love how you put the summary in the beginning and then a plot of the story in the next. I think that is one of the best ways to write a blurb.

However, I think it could be changed a little. ♥

Life is all about scars.

Scars redefine you, physically and mentally. They aren't devoid of beauty. It's the pain endured and branded on the skin that dims the luster. 

However, when we look between the lines, we realize that they weren't a void altogether; they were actually the beauty of the being you became.

I think this one sharpens it a little bit. Remember to give spacing after the semi-colon.♥


COVER

It's perfect! I love the black and white color combination. Considering the mood of the story, I think this one perfectly fits. The fonts are lovely too! The author's name and the publisher's name are clearly seen so I think you did a pretty good job at that.


PLOT AND GRAMMAR

You have an awesome plot in mind. Abused mother? Loving son? Bitchy sister? A charming journalist? An arrogant husband? It's perfecto!

 Abused mother? Loving son? Bitchy sister? A charming journalist? An arrogant husband? It's perfecto!

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Though, one can always improve in their writing!

1. I have noticed that you used the word 'said' quite a lot of times in your first chapter. I know writing the third person's POV can be hard, but different words can be used.

Example: "Hello, Miss Ruhana. It's an absolute pleasure to have you here. You have been an inspiration to a lot of women here.", Said the interviewer sitting before Ruhana.

What it could have been: "Hello, Miss Ruhana. It's an absolute pleasure to have you here. You have been an inspiration to a lot of women worldwide!" The narrator sitting behind Ruhana spoke,  his eyes filled with confidence and hope.

If it's hard to think of words to be used other than said, do stop the dialogue and continue with descriptions. It's easy and simple.

Another Example: Ruhanna smiled and said," I would love to. She held the book in her hand and read the title, Misery, The Sage of My Rise.

What it could have been: Ruhanna smiled. "I would love to!" She held the book in her hand and took a deep breath. After a few seconds, she rubbed her thumb on the hard book cover and read the title, "Misery, The Sage of My Rise."

In this way, the reader will get a glimpse of the way the MC talks and acts in a situation.


2. Your second chapter was written in the simple past tense. So it would be better if the sentences matched with the same flow.

Example: Sometimes, I wonder why does she even try when she knows I wouldn't smile.

What it could have been: Sometimes, it makes me wonder why she would even try, knowing that I wouldn't smile back.

Or

Why does she smile at me when she knows I don't smile back? 

(This above sentence can be written in italics if needed, this would let the reader know she's thinking.)


3. The usage of 'I'

Usually, when you write a story and imagine yourself as the character, it's natural to use the word 'I' more often. Try avoiding it as much as possible.

Example: I carefully placed my feet down from the bed. Zayd was still sleeping soundly on his side of the bed. I softly ran my hand through his dark silky locks. I then made my way to the kitchen to drink some water and get things ready for the day. I was pacing around the kitchen, grabbing the utensils required to prepare breakfast and lunch.

Three of the four sentences above begin with 'I'

What it could have been: Carefully placing my feet down the bed, I turn to look at Zayd who was still sleeping soundly on his side of the bed. I softly ran my hand through his dark silky locks and decided to make to drink some water and get things ready for the day. Pacing around in the kitchen and grabbing the utensils, I started to prepare breakfast and lunch.


4. When you want to stretch a dialogue to give that longing kind of effect, the ellipsis is used. Limit the ellipsis to a maximum of three dots.

Example: Finally gaining back my senses, I said, "And how do you know about crushes, blushing, etc....huh!?"

What it could have been:  Finally gaining back my senses, I look at him with mischievous eyes. "Why don't you tell me about how you know things about crushes, blushing, etc...huh?

Again, this is just my opinion. You are free to write the book in whatever way you wish.♥


OVERALL

It was quite a nice read. I feel bad for the Ruhaana, I hope that the journalist is a strong person and deal with all the danger that is coming on his way. 

I think the only thing you need to work on is the dialogue tags and using words other than 'said' and 'asked.'

I apologize if this review comes off rude, I just want you to improve in your writing.

Also, for anyone wandering here and wanting a book that's filled with romance, and those exploring survival stories of rape and abuse, I suggest this one!

I wish you good luck with your book slayeee ♥

Reviews Baby (Paused) Where stories live. Discover now