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TITLE
Abode at the Rim of Darkness seems more inclined to be a supernatural novel. I like how it matches with the theme of the book, though the rest of the words (Him, I and the two worlds) need not be part of the title. Let it be a sentence on the cover.
BLURB
I think it's a very interesting blurb! It's got an amazing trailer with no spoilers at all. It has all the information necessary for the reader to dive into the story, so good job on that!
COVER
I love how charming the cover looks. The lady with her face hidden perfectly matches the main character. My only suggestion is to put the words, 'Him, I and the two worlds' at the top under the author's name. The side letters are aligned beautifully except for the word 'of.' The letter F is missing. ♥
PLOT AND GRAMMAR
A supernatural person? Kidnapped? Rescued? Parents who don't care? I think it's wonderful!
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But of course, we all have our flaws.
1. The usage of ellipsis: Sometimes you would need to express a sentence in such a way that it gives a lingering feeling. Use only a maximum of three dots for it.
Example: A surprise that I didn't want to welcome if I knew about its arrival.....
2. Italicize the character's thoughts. Sometimes the narration and the thoughts are written in the same way.
Example: Does my mom want me to do neurology? Like her?
The thought is exciting.
But does she?
After all that has happened.
Does she care?
3. Another issue that I noticed is the lack of spacing. That happens a lot when you type on another platform and then copy-paste it in the draft. The problem arises while commenting. The reader won't be able to point out a comment they like. I recommend typing your drafts directly on Wattpad. If you aren't comfortable, try hitting the enter button for a new paragraph. ♥
4. I know it's quite hard to write a story in the first person's POV and the usage of 'I' gets repeated. Try rephrasing it.
Example: I land in Nashville, Tennessee. I hand in the address I have to the taxi driver at the airport. I just roll my eyes at him. I am not interested in knowing what place I am off to go.
What it could have been: Landing in Nashville, Tennessee, I flag for a taxi. After accommodating all my luggage into the car, I hand in the address to the taxi driver. The look on his face makes me roll my eyes at him, for I am not interested in knowing what place I am off to go.
5. There were areas where I felt that were a lack of commas. They are honestly a nightmare to every writer. I suggest using Grammarly or Microsoft Word to catch those errors and spice up the grammar.
Example: "Uncle Kent" I shout running the purple meadows...
What it could have been: "Uncle Kent!" I shout, running my fingers through the purple meadows...
If there are words like said, replied, or anything of the like, commas are used. It's an action, the commas are omitted.
Example: He says "My baby..."
There should be a comma after says. ♥
Capital letters usually come after full stops. So if there are words you would like to focus on, italicize them.
...makes it feel like she is ready to offer everything I ask for.
6. Make sure that the sentences aren't lacking clarity.
Example: "So why is are we suggesting is that what you cannot touch and feel aren't real." she wiggles her eyebrows again.
What it could have been: "So? Are you suggesting that what we can't touch and feel aren't real?" She wiggles her eyebrows again.
OVERALL
It was wonderful to read this book of yours. The character has gone through her entire childhood without proper love. It feels like she's been shunned by her family. I am glad Maggi is there for her. I wonder what her saviours or attackers are gonna do. You also do have a wonderful way with cliffhangers!
Also, this review is just my opinion!
I apologize if it comes off rude, it's only for your benefit. ♥
Also for anyone interested in a forbidden romance novel, this is the one for you!
