Attached- Tsukishima Kei

17

"When I was 2, my father came home one day and my mom was just sitting in the living room smoking with some random people my father had never seen before. The music was blaring so much that before he even came into the house the neighbors had kindly asked him to turn it down. He was freaking out and when he didn't see me with her, he ran around the house. She had left me in the bathtub and I guess I was screaming my head off. The water was already spilling over and onto the floor but luckily enough I was taller than the tub and was able to stand up.

My father said that my mom came into the bathroom after turning down the music and all she said was 'Shit. Now the floor is going to get ruined.' My father was pissed, or so he said. I don't remember any of that- I was two." I awkwardly chuckle, trying to push down the uncomfortableness.

Kei stays quiet, allowing me to take a few breaths before I resume talking.

"My father went off on my mom and kicked everyone out. She apologized and said it wouldn't happen again but of course he couldn't trust her. He hired a baby sitter after that, and for a while nothing happened. Then, when I was 7, my mother took me to Vegas with her. She would leave me alone in the hotel room at night so she can go gamble and do drugs. My father had given me a small flip phone in secret just in case anything happened, but I always told him things were fine so he didn't worry.

On the last night we stayed there, my mom said we were going to have guests and that I needed to drink some medicine to go to sleep so I didn't bother them. Wanting to be a good daughter, and it's not like I had a choice anyways, I drank whatever she gave me. I just remember my throat burning and almost spitting it out but my mom put her hand over my mouth and made me swallow. She made me drink the whole bottle and I felt so disgusting and sick. I was crying so much and I was dizzy and felt like I had no control over my body.

She got mad because I was crying too loudly...so she threw me out onto the small balcony and forced me to stay out there. I was sobbing and threw up so many times. Now that I'm thinking about it...I don't even think it was a real balcony. It was one of those fake ones that are just for show. It was hardly big enough for me to lay down on. I kept looking through the railing and thinking I was going to die. She made me drink an entire bottle of alcohol and just...left me out there.

When I woke up it was the next day in the afternoon. I started crying even more and the couple in the hotel next to us looked out their window and saw me. They were so shocked and the husband helped me cross over to their balcony and took me in. They had a kid about my age and so they let me take a bath and gave me a pair of their son's clothes and fed me. When I told them what happened, they were horrified. They tried to knock on my mom's hotel room and come to find out- she had checked out two hours earlier.

My stuff was there and so I called my dad and told him that 'mommy gave me a spicy drink and made me sleep outside'. She was already halfway home at this time. My dad immediately left work to come get me. The family was really nice though. I played with their son and they took care of me until my father showed up. After that, my father went to court to get full custody of me and he kicked her out of our house. For some...mind blowing reason, they denied custody from my dad and said it had to be 50/50. They soon got divorced but my father absolutely refused to give me to my mom.

The cops even came and he flat out told them that he would never allow her to see me again. This is like- the only time the cops were ever helpful. They listened to my dads story and then took me to a separate room to ask me what happened and I explained everything that I knew. After that, my dad got full custody of me and I never saw my mom again."

I let out a small sigh, closing my eyes as I tilt my head back- a dry laugh escaping me.

"She never cared about me. I don't know why she even had me, I can't remember a single time when she showed me any sort of affection. My father was constantly working so whenever he'd come home I'd be attached to his hip. She was affectionate to him for a while until something just happened. He knew their marriage was falling apart but he didn't want to divorce for my sake. He almost did after the bath incident but she apologized so much and begged him not to leave- promising that she'd be better, so he stayed. He said she couldn't do drugs anymore or drink, and for a while she was fine. Well- as fine as someone like her can be. But yeah. That's it. Now I'm scared of having kids because I'm afraid I won't be able to provide a good life for them and I have zero confidence in my parenting skills and I'd rather not bring a kid into this world like that..."

I look down and notice I'm clenching my fists so tightly my knuckles had paled. I relax my hands, taking a deep breath.

I look up at Kei and see that he looks slightly horrified, staring at me like he's seen a ghost.

"S-Sorry! I don't mean to trauma dump on you like th-"

"Why are you apologizing?" He asks weakly, reaching out and pulling me into his lap. I wrap my legs around his waist, burying my face in his neck. "Athena...why didn't you tell me? I know I'm in no place at all to know your business like that but I hate that you were dealing with this by yourself. I'm so sorry you went through that."

Tears well up into my eyes and I slump into his embrace, inhaling a shaky breath.

"Kei..." I trail off, sniffling. "Thank you for always being there for me. I love you."

"I love you too baby." He kisses my shoulder. "And...I think you'd be an amazing mother. You're not your mom- and you have so much love to give I know our baby would be a mommas kid. I still don't mind if we don't have kids- but I just wanted to let you know that. And I mean it."

I feel my bottom lip quiver and I bury my face further into his neck as I start to cry.

I'm really lucky to have him in my life.