Lady Match (Howertys #2.5)

Chapter 8a: Save Tonight (pt 1)

Penelope lay in her bed not much later, the room lit by the waning fire in the grate and a lone candle by the bedside she couldn't bring herself to extinguish. She didn't want the room too dark. It would be too similar to the alcove where James had poured his heart out to her, only to have her run away. What must he think of her?

Her eyes were finally drifting shut when a knock made her sit up. She stared at the door. Who would visit her at this hour? James. It had to be. She'd never told him which room was hers, but maybe he'd found out. Unsure whether she truly wanted to face him again so soon, she padded across the cold floor on her bare feet, missing her warm bed. Pulling the door open, she peered outside.

"James."

He had taken off his coat and waistcoat, leaving him in only dark breeches and a white shirt with the top buttons undone. His eyes travelled over her, taking in the fact she was only wearing a simple nightgown. It was big and shapeless, but with a wide collar, leaving one of her shoulders bare as it had slid down her arm. His gaze fastened on the piece of bare skin.

When he said nothing, she peered out to make sure there were no other people in the hallway before she grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside before anyone could see him. The last thing she wanted was a scandal to tarnish her reputation. Shutting the door behind her, she leaned her back against it as she stared at the tall man standing in the middle of the room, looking a little out of place.

"What do you want?" she asked tersely when he remained quiet.

He turned around to look at her, his handsome face illuminated by the warm glow of the fire. "I don't think we're done with this discussion."

Crossing her arms over her chest, she remained where she was, not wanting to walk back to her bed since she'd have to walk past him. She didn't trust herself around him. If the last days had proved anything, it was that she could not resist this man.

"I think I was pretty clear," she said.

"Quite," he agreed with a wry smile. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed. "I'm sorry for springing all this on you. I should have kept my mouth shut."

The sadness in his eyes sent sharp jabs through her heart, and her posture relaxed. "No, James. I'm the one who should apologise. You were being honest with me, and I... I fled."

"I get it," he muttered. "Of course you want nothing to do with me after what happened to you."

A desperate laugh threatened to escape her, and she swallowed it back with a bland smile. She wanted everything to do with him. But he had specific needs that she could never fulfil.

"That's not it. That's never been it."

He took a step towards her but didn't reach for her. "I'm not sure what is holding you back," he said softly. "Whatever it is, I wish you would tell me so we can discuss it, but I won't push you. Tell me only if, and when, you are ready."

"You're a good man." It was the truth. The youthful prank he had played on her had never been something she held against him. If she did, she would have to hold it against her brother too, as he had been the one to tell her where to meet them. She could even forgive him for disappearing from her life. As much as she said she'd have wanted him there, it might have been too painful for both of them. It wasn't an excuse for him abandoning her, but she could see why he did.

"I would like to be good enough for you."

The honest confession shot straight through her, and without thinking, she took the few steps separating them and went into his surprised embrace. Sliding her arms around his neck, she pulled him down and pressed her lips against his. She couldn't be what he needed, but maybe she could allow herself a brief affair. The passion between them was equally intimidating and enticing. It might be torture to eventually let him go if she gave in to him, but she didn't want to fear passion. Even if she would never find it again after this, at least she would have experienced it once in her life.