dear agent hotchner || a.h

two

About three weeks of the nauseous spells continued, sometimes I'd keep stuff down, and others I wouldn't. I learned that if I was able to keep something down, not to force another meal down or else I'd just lose everything instead. I tried hiding it from the team, Hotch especially because I didn't want to be fussed over. It wasn't serious, I had thought, so I just didn't want to be babied over it. It wasn't that deep to me at the moment.

Work was almost over, an hour or so to go and then we'd be done for for day, thankfully. I was fatigued and I noticed I started to feel a bit light headed, which I had found to slowly becoming a normal thing. We just finished up a case so I assumed I was just sleep deprived and stressed and needed a nap. Usually after cases it was normal not to feel too good. Emotionally and physically, depending. Suddenly, multiple red dots of liquid fell onto my paper and I stared confused, pulling my chair back and my first instinct was to look up at the ceiling but obviously there wasn't anything there. It looked like blood. But I wasn't sure where the source of it was.

"Your nose is gushing blood." Spencer spoke and I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, before feeling my face, just under my nose. Both nostrils were bleeding steady streams. I hurriedly pressed my hands to my face, wide eyed as I stood up. "Here, here." He says, handing me a shit ton of tissues from his desk and I grabbed them and immediately pressed them to my nose, tilting my head forward a bit so it didnt leak into my throat, trying not to cough so it didn't spray everywhere. That'd just be gross.

"What happened?" Hotchs voice echoed through the bullpen, concern evident in his tone. "Nose bleed, is the air dry or something?" I ask and he shook his head, concerned. Suddenly a wave of nausea hit again and I took off to the bathrooms. This time when I threw up blood was very much in my vomit and I wasn't sure if it was from my nose bleed or if it was from my stomach. Once I finished, the blood seized a bit and I washed my hands. As I was drying them, I saw Hotch peak his head in slowly before he stepped in.

"Are you alright?" He asked and I nod and he looked at me clearly not believing me and suddenly his face dropped. "You got sick again." He says softly and I tried to play it off but it didn't work with him. I knew it wouldn't. He's one of the best profilers I knew, of course he knows. "Your eyes are red and teary, your breathing is heavy both from throwing up and your hunched over a bit from the nausea." He points out and I just stared at him. Observant little bastard he is isn't he?

"I don't know, I think the taste of the blood caused it.." I trail off but he stepped forward and I looked at him. "You need to talk to your doctor, you've been sick for almost a month now and maybe the nosebleed isn't related but that was not a normal amount of blood for a nosebleed." He states seriously with concern and I shrugged him off, running my fingers through my hair. "I'm fine, I don't need a doctor." I say and he put his hand on my shoulder.

"I don't think I made myself clear, Y/n. I wasn't asking you. You either see a doctor or I don't want to see you here until you do." He says sternly and I hurriedly look at him to argue but the movement caused me to feel sick again and I decided against it. It wouldn't hurt, I mean it'd be nice to figure out why I'm so nauseous and to get it fixed. I miss eating. But I hate doctors offices with a passion. They're always so slow, I never know if I'm gonna need to be pricked with needles, it smells weird and it's intimidating. "Okay, I'll see him tomorrow." I say and he nodded softly.

"Thank you, Y/l/n. It'll make me feel better as your boss and friend knowing your wellbeing isn't at risk okay?" He says and I nod, understanding. He sent me home afterwards, no big surprise and I made an appointment with my doctor who put me in for the next morning, thankfully. Going in was nerve wracking as well. Doctor appointments are intimidating. What if I needed huge needled shots? It was anxiety inducing and walking through the doors made me shake slightly. Every negative possiblity ran through my brain and I tried to stay positive. Anxiety makes you think crazy things.