All We Have Is Now!

We will make it work!

The only thing I could hear at that time was our heartbeat which were beating at the same pace right now. His words were constantly repeating inside my head. I didn't know how to respond. People usually don't mean what they say but it's Marco, I knew what he said was merely a few percent of how he feels. But still, it was feeling so ethereal. A part of me was still thinking what if he's joking right now, but his eyes were enough to prove my mind wrong.

"Marco!" I called him in an attempt to gain his attention

"No! I wasn't finished yet." He snapped at me

I nodded afraid of what might come next.

"And after three years you called just to tell, you are going away again. And poor me, I was happy thinking you might have missed me like I did you." His expressions switched from soft to disgust. He paused for few seconds before continuing, "I was so wrong about you. You were selfish back then and you are selfish now. Maybe that's how you have always been, I was just blinded by you." His gaze was piercing, if gazing would hold any power to kill someone, this might be the one.

How enormously I was blamed , insulted, disgusted , being felt special and back to being insulted again. I lost tracks of the emotions I have felt in a less than three hours in a day. I wanted to shout at him for thinking all this about me, I wanted to cry because he thought all this, I wanted to comprehend about everything he said to me today, and I also wanted to disappear from here because he kept giving me those cold, full of disgust expressions. I was feeling so many emotions all at once.

"Is there anything left to say?" I tried to hold myself as much as possible

"Goodbye!" He still had those disgusted, full of anger on his face

He tried to turn to leave but I immediately came in front of him to stop him.

"You were not the only one who felt this way. " I looked straight in his eyes

"Don't you dare to make jokes on this" he stepped forward to leave

I closed my eyes and said,

"I-------I cccaame. I came that day. A little before you asked me to." This caught his attention he stopped there, he didn't turn but I knew he was listening so I continued

"I was waiting for you here. But suddenly I heard familiar voices. I came to the window and saw it was our fathers, who weren't talking but shouting at each other in a very violent way." My whole body was pretty much shaking right now. I knew, if I open my eyes this time I wouldn't stop crying. So, I decided to keep them close

I continued.

"I witnessed their whole fight from here. I saw how they got separated with every hurtful word they said, every dirt they have thrown at each other. It scared me how they took few seconds to break something they have spent half of their life to built. Then i thought about you and the reason we were supposed to meet today. And it occurred what if we ended up on the same page just like our fathers. The very thought made me feel anxious because i never wanted to lose you because losing you meant losing my other half. " I could feel the heat built inside my cheeks and the tears which were ready to fall but this was not the time when I was allowed to feel weak at all.

"So, I ran away. I thought having any other relationship than friendship may becomes the reason to drift us apart. I thought attraction would fade with time and then we'll start seeing each other again but it was us who faded. Knowing that I hurt you made me feel so guilty and I didn't have enough courage inside to face you." I heavily sighed, at this point I didn't have to put any effort, the words were coming on their own. Maybe because they were inside me from a long time. I continued, "I kept waiting for the right moment to come to you but it never happened. I kept thinking about you, what Marco would think about it, what he would say, how'd he react. And slowly I started to miss you. I started to miss you at a point where I started to do eat the food you liked, listened to the songs you listen to, watch your favorite movies, read your favorite books. I did everything you do just to feel close to you. But also at that point, I knew how badly I screwed things. But the irony is, I feared losing you so much but I ended up losing you anyway."

I didn't realize when did the tears started to roll out of my eyes. They weren't tears but they were the pain, I kept holding inside me for years. At this point, I didn't even remember if he's there or not. I covered my face with my palms to not let him see, not letting anyone ever see how pathetically I was sobbing at this very moment.

A strong pair of arms pulled me and wrapped me tightly in an embrace. It was full of warmth and protection, it wasn't hard to guess who it was. I missed this warmness, I missed protection, I missed this feeling, I missed all of this. I missed him so much. I kept sobbing into his arms for a long time until all the pain which was buried inside me was gone. I was the one to break the hug, he patted my head and kissed my forehead. I looked at him, his face was all soft and full of love. It was my Marco.

"I'm sorry. I kept hurting you but trust me it was never my intention. You have been the last person, I would ever want to hurt." I mumbled, too tired to speak anything

"It's okay, forget what happened . And I'm sorry too." He smiled

We sat outside the balcony in silence for a while before leaving, watching the sun's brightness fading into the darkness but still glorifying the whole sky. Suddenly a thought came into my head.

"Marco?" I called him to which he nodded

"Are we okay now?" As he heard it, he got up and headed to the entrance to left. I was so dumbfounded to acknowledge what's gotten to him now. Suddenly a voice pulled me back from my thoughts,

"Serena, meet me tomorrow at 5. I will wait for you, then we'll find out ." He winked at me and left