Between the Lines (Throne of Glass)

What I Wished Happened, the Autobiography

(Takes place during episode 194: Starts off with some angst but it gets real spicy real quick after John and Sera reunite, so here's some holy water 🥛(I know it's milk just go with it) and some popcorn 🍿🍿 in advance)

Seraphina's nails brushed against the rough material of the posting board, several Safe House flyers taking up what used to be empty space. Almost numbly she pinned up the next, her mind somewhere else.

Earlier that day, she had looked behind her with a smile on her face to tell John about a silly little joke that had popped in her head, and when the realization crashed down that he wasn't there she nearly broke again. These last two weeks just kept on dragging out the days, endlessly reminding her that the John she knew was gone, and he was never coming back.

The grief was almost unbearable, but she choked it down. His words still echoed loudly in her head, driving the knife deeper.

"Sera, you're just a Cripple. What could you possibly help me with anyway?" Seraphina remembered the sting of her tears, repeating over and over in her head that this was all just a bad dream, pinching her arm to try to wake up and panicking when she didn't.

"I DON'T WANNA SEE EITHER OF YOU EVER AGAIN! YOU'RE BOTH DEAD TO ME!!" His pained voice reflecting the betrayal that he felt, like jagged shards of glass. But there was something else in his gaze, something that she couldn't quite put her finger on...

"You heard me, Seraphina. Get the **** out!" She didn't even recognize him anymore, he sounded empty. A shell of what he used to be, dark half-moons under his eyes getting bigger by the day. When was the last time he slept?

Why did she still care?

When she was finally alone in her room after their fight, she collapsed to the floor with a scream. Everything that she had been holding back was released in a cry of agony until her throat burned and the tears ran dry.

"I made myself clear last time! Your nothin' to me! And I don't want to see you again!" The anger is his eyes, the contempt, the crazed paranoia. The familiar twitching of his hands, a sign that he was lying before he shoved them in his pockets to stop their movement. But Seraphina saw it, barely, and she held on to the hope that maybe what they had could be salvaged.

She missed him so much...

Gasping quietly under her breath, she blinked away the prickling feeling in her eyes. Johns absence hurt almost as much as their last few interactions, and she stood in front of the board cursing herself and her stupid emotions.

Every time she looked around her and discovered that he wasn't there; when she muttered an inside joke and playfully nudged thin air with her shoulder in the place of where she expected him to be; or leaned back and almost stumbled over because he wasn't there to catch her anymore, to lean on or to hold her.

Every time it hurt like a b**ch.

Seraphina supposed it was her fault. She had gotten too attached to him, too comfortable. So now, with their friendship severed in the way that it was the fallen goddess preoccupied herself with whatever she could get her hands on to act as a distraction.