mama im in love with a fucking criminal☂ five x fem!reader

I

I don't know how it happened. I don't know why, or when, but I woke up at a table at Griddy's. It was unmistakable, the lights, the bar, hell, Agnes herself gave me a confused but not unfriendly look when I popped up from the bench. As if I just...appeared out of thin air.

Huh.

But you see, this is impossible. Because this is supposed to be a show on Netflix.

For the first few minutes of my consciousness, I was convinced I was dreaming. Maybe even lucid dreaming, given how real it felt. But then I slowly came out of the haze, felt the table and the bench under me, smelled the coffee, actually heard sounds of the traffic outside.

Then I freaked out. I do think I had the right to, given that I had only ever seen this place through my laptop screen. I may or may not have had a full blown panic attack.

And then I got my head back. Time to adapt, kiddo. I took in my surroundings, took a look at what I was wearing, thankfully not the two-piece ninja turtle pajamas I usually wear to bed, but a white t-shirt, loose jeans and leather jacket, none of which look familiar but are comfortable enough.

I checked the pockets and found a huge wad of cash, at least three hundred dollars. However I got here, I sure as hell was prepared. I continued scouring my pockets, and, to my horror, found a gun. I hadn't ever seen a real gun, much less used one. Would I be expected to?

Then I thought. I thought hard. If I'm in the umbrella academy universe, that means Five's here. And since he can travel through time and space, he should be able to travel to a parallel universe, right? I mean, I got here somehow. He has to.

But then, where was I? As in, when was I, in the timeline? Should I just wait here and see if Five comes into the shop? What if they're all still kids? When Ben's alive? Maybe the apocalypse is about to happen within minutes. Oh fuck, oh fuck. I need to stop the apocalypse. I know exactly what happens throughout season 1 and 2. And the apocalypse should have been stopped in the first try.

But then again...should I? I mean, what if that fucks up the timeline really badly? Liek the butterfly effect? I won't be able to help then. Maybe I should just not interfere at all, suck it up and just start a whole new life in this universe.

No. Something in my head tells me I can't do that. Maybe it's the pounding migraine. So no sitting it out. The headache goes away as soon as I have that thought.

Okay. What the fuck.

So I do have to interfere. Maybe that's why I've been sent here, to stop the apocalypse. If that's true, I should be in the first episode and Five should come into Griddy's by the time it's dark. Cool. I just have to stick with them, kill that greasy ass bastard Harold Jenkins before he ever meets Vanya, and that's it. World saved. Piece of cake.

Looking outside, it's sometime around sunset. So I need to wait a few hours. Well, I've got three hundred dollars in my pocket and a shit ton of donuts I've wanted to try since I saw them through a screen.

Speaking of which, I am ravenous. I go up to Agnes, who just brought in a tray of fresh donuts and I'm having trouble not jumping over the counter and gobbling up all of them.

"Hi, can I get one of those?" I say with a smile.

"Sure. Take a seat." Agnes smiles back.

I've always liked Agnes; she's such a sweetheart. Although it's weird how I know her future-from falling in love with hazel to being held hostage by more than one psycho woman.

"Hey, what time is it?" I ask her.

"It is..." she glances at a delicate watch on her wrist, "almost seven now."

"Ah. Thank you, ma'am." I say as she puts the plate with a donut in front of me. "And what date is it?"

I see Agnes freeze up for a second, her brow furrowing in surprise, "It's the 24th of March, dear," she looks at me closer, concern deepening the lines in her face.

I just hum, going back to my thoughts while stuffing my face. If this is the day Five comes back, then the apocalypse is in eight days, meaning...1st April. Hah. Talk about April fool's. I wrack my brain for more details. Old Reggie died a couple days ago, today was the funeral, Five came back through the portal, he comes to Griddy's after a nice heart-to-heart with his siblings, then...

Then what?

Damn my goldfish memory. I can't remember the details any farther than that. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

I spend the next few hours eating donuts until I feel sick. Not a good decision. The donut shop is completely empty save for me and Agnes, when the door opens and I whip my head towards it as I had been doing for however long I've been here, except this time I finally saw what I was waiting for. I can't help but keep staring at the fifteen year old boy that just walked in and took a seat a good distance from me. I get up and go over to sit next to him, intending to start with some friendly conversation.

Except I can only stare at him. It's pretty damn unreal, seeing a fictional character that you've only ever seen on your laptop. I don't even want to know what I'd do if I saw him jump.

"What?" he says sharply, turning to me for the first time, scowling.

"Uh." I say stupidly, blushing after realizing I've been blatantly staring at him, "sorry."

Then, a man walks in. The truck driver, I realize. I cringe internally when I recall how Hazel and Cha Cha tortured him. He takes a seat on Five's other side as Agnes emerges from the back room, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Sorry, sink was clogged." She apologizes, taking out a notepad. "What'll it be?" she asks the man.

"I'll have a chocolate éclair."

"And can I get the kid a glass of milk or something?" which I can't help but snort at. Five is, after all, 58. When I see the frown on his face at the disrespect, a snicker escapes me.

Five scoffs, "The kid wants coffee. Black."

"Cute kid." Agnes chuckles, exchanging a nervous glance with the truck driver. Five then smiles (only slightly creepily) at her, and she walks off to get their orders, a customer service smile on her face. I've been taking this time to gather up courage to talk to the boy next to me, and I finally turn to him.

"Hi. I'm y/n. And this may sound a bit crazy, but this is a television show."