mama im in love with a fucking criminal☂ five x fem!reader

VI

We reappear in the back of a taxi, startling the driver. Five says something to him, but I can't make it out over the severe nausea.

"'M gonna...hurl." I say, leaning my forehead against the back of the passenger's seat.

"Hm. You'll be fine." I hear Five say.

"Fuck youuuuu," I groan.

"So. You were saying?"

"What?"

"About the apocalypse," Five says impatiently.

"At least let me recover first," I whine.

Five rolls his eyes and throws his hands up in frustration. We drive around for a few minutes, before Five asks the driver to stop the car and gets out.

"You know, following you around isn't so fun anymore."

"Shut up," he says, stopping at a bench. "Sit down."

"Okay, daddy," I grumble in annoyance, not expecting him to hear.

"What did you say?" he says with his eyes wide.

Stupid, stupid. Why did I say that?

"Nothing." I say. I'm probably blushing. "What're we doing here?" I look around at the park around us.

"I thought the fresh air would do you some good."

"Hm. It did." I rub my belly. "It's a wonderful day, perfect for me to tell you a pleasant little story about how your world is gonna end," I pat the spot next to me in invitation, smiling charmingly up at him.

☂☂☂

"Harold Jenkins, you say."

"Yeah. I think we should be able to stop the apocalypse by stopping him. You got to the same conclusion, but you were a little late. He already had his claws too deep into Vanya."

"But I was right about the eye!" Five says in victory.

"To some extent," I begrudgingly agree.

"So where is this asshole? Shouldn't we kill him now?"

"Well he comes to Vanya pretending to want to take violin lessons, which happens in...episode two?" I frown, trying to remember. "Yeah, before you get Delores back."

"Speaking of which," Five says, jumping up from the bench, "I have somewhere to be."

"Shit, it's today, then," I say. "The day he meets her."

"Should we..." Five trails off, but I know he's asking if we should stop them now. We probably should, but I know everything that the poor guy's been through; the apocalypse, the time travelling, meeting his family after 45 years, and, worst of all, going through puberty all over again. Delores is pretty much the only constant in his life, maybe getting her back will get his undies untwisted and let him release some...pent up...frustration.

"Go get Delores. But be careful. Well, you do make it out alive. So you should be okay. But why risk it, right? Then again, you not getting her back might royally fuck up th-"

Five slaps his hand over my mouth, "Are you going somewhere with this?" Shortly after, he snatches it back like last time. "God, you're an animal," he inspects his hand.

"For the best assassin in time, you really don't learn from your mistakes, do you?" I chide him. "Anyway, Hazel and Cha Cha should attack you while you're at the department store. Sent by the commission. To prevent you stopping the apocalypse"