4.25.2013
Broken.
Broken.
It's the only word to describe me currently.
I pretend to be strong, when in reality, I'm just a broken b*tch.
I lie to myself.
And to those I love.
My parents, my friends, and my girlfriend.
I fell in love.
I did the one thing I'm not supposed to do.
You know what?
Everyone I've ever loved, pushes me away like I'm nothing.
Because I can't control my feelings.
But that's why I need them.
I need someone who understands me.
But no one does.
No matter how much they try.
Because I'm broken, and un-fixable.
That's why She left me.
Of course she did.
Everyone does.
She called me at 11:07 p.m.
She said: "I honestly don't think I can handle this relationship anymore. You're always sad, and it makes me feel like sh*t. I don't know how to help you, and it breaks me down inside. I'm sorry Tae. Just know that i love you, but it's taken a toll on me."
I told her that it was ok, and that I understood.
But that's just routine.
That night I cried myself to sleep.
Just like every night since then.
But the thing is, I knew it was going to happen.
I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
That's how I deal with things.
I don't know how to tell people that it hurts.
It just keeps on hurting until something worse drowns out the pain.
It drowns out everything.
My thoughts, my feelings, and even my life.
It rings in my ears, and doesn't stop.
Because I'm broken.
Broken.
Until next time.
