LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE: TEN INSPIRATIONAL LESSONS FROM MANDELA'S LIFE

LESSON FOUR: BUILD BRIDGES; COMMUNICATE

 Connect beyond words

To truly live our best life and be all that we can be, we must forge and nurture great relationships. And great relationships themselves are built and sustained through communication. Although it is tempting as human beings to focus only on ourselves and how we are feeling, and to monopolize conversations in a bid to get people to understand us, doing this will not build meaningful relationships. Focusing on yourself alone and not listening to people will make them feel unappreciated and will eventually alienate them.

Spouses, children, bosses, friends disconnect from each other and many relationships fall apart because “no one listens” to them anymore. “I can’t just talk to you” is the phrase often yelled out as people walk out and doors get slammed. Effective communication is a two way street. Just as you want to have your say, give others the same attention and courtesy you demand from them, let them also have their say. Nothing validates a human being more than to feel that they matter enough to let their voices be heard.

Aside letting others speak, try looking at things from their perspective. Try to imagine that you were in their position and ask yourself what it is they may be feeling. Communication is not complete until you have listened to and empathized with the other person.

 No matter whom he met, presidents, kings, celebrities or the most common of people, Mandela was adept at making a connection with everyone and he was able to accomplish this by giving his full attention in the moment to whoever he was speaking with. One of the things that people had to say about Mandela was that he gave his full attention to whoever he was with and was genuinely interested in hearing what the other person had to say.

 Of course Mandela met so many people and while he may not have remembered all of them or even met them again, he was able to focus in the moment and truly listen to what they had to say. People left his presence feeling validated. His ability to focus, speak his truth and genuinely listen to others as they did the same was one of his most outstanding qualities as an individual.

Having spent so long in prison and having learnt the value of solitude and silence, and the validation that comes from having your voice heard, Mandela must have learned the value of communication and how important it is to let others have their say.

Compromise is winning too

Another important aspect of communication we can learn from Mandela is the ability to compromise with integrity. To steer the country away from possible civil war and chaos, Mandela was able to communicate to the apartheid regime the heart of his message without alienating them. And this was done by his willingness to compromise.

In the end, the goal of communication is to reach an understanding or agreement and having a rigid attitude of insistence or resistance will not help. Don’t be more interested in winning the argument than in reaching an agreement. Else you may win the argument and loose the relationship or business opportunity.

If you are in a leadership position, it is even more important to learn how to listen to other opinions and to find a way to reach a compromise towards achieving the objective of the group or organization that you are leading. Being the leader does not mean that you have all the answers and unless you can listen to, and be willing to take other opinions, chances are that you will fail as a leader.

Compromise is also important when it comes to your dreams and in crafting the life that you want. Acknowledging that you do not know everything and being willing to learn from other people as you go along is key to fulfilling your dreams. As you go along, you may need to tweak your dreams here and there, or to drop some old ideas and modes of operation if it does not serve your purpose. As long as you do not compromise on your moral integrity, it is fine to learn new things, unlearn old ones and therefore create a better vision.

The art of communication is integral to living your best life. Learn it, master it and see yourself become the best version of yourself.