Endosymbiosis

10. Toxicology

It was weird to see that I wasn't alone, to no longer talk to the walls and expect their echo as the only response, since, for so long, these had been my best conversations.

My world had been invaded, the lock on the chest of my secrets tested and my loneliness questioned. Maybe I shouldn't have hugged it so much over the years, but it protected me from a lot of pain; and it would even more when I finally got where I wanted. Decisions had already been made, the parts of the machine of my destiny were already in place, and I only needed one last one to turn it on. When there, all I would have left would be to hope that choosing my future wouldn't hurt as much as my past; but by then it would probably be too late to turn back.

My loneliness was my best protection.

So I couldn't call the invader Doxy.

Maybe I should hate her... Which would be easy if I imagined she thought of me the same as I thought of myself - there wasn't much else to think about after all - but I would try not to be spiteful.

We spent the next three noxdiems traveling to the core, through the seven concentric circles of Itopis, whose number diminished as we approached the center of everything. Every now and then I found myself jumping in fright when I saw Donecea in the hallways. It was almost as if, if I waited long enough, she would disappear from the ship like abandoned coffee in a cup to evaporate... Because the promise of being there was the hardest to keep.

But she was always there. Because there was no way to go anywhere else.

One time my attention was captured by Donecea's back, as she was mesmerized by the stars beyond the window. She looked like a traveler who used the constellations to navigate between seas and planets, studying ways to avoid falling into unexpected storms. My steps took me silently to her, and, when I was close, I asked:

"What are you looking at?"

Donecea jumped in fright with a squeak and I couldn't contain my laughter. She stared at me with her soul exposed in her eyes.

"I was..." She stammered. "Only..."

"Getting lost in the constellations?"

Her eyes fled from me, probably because I was right; and because being seen was not in her plans.

"I was distracting myself with the drawings..." She confessed. "But I don't know their names." Her face turned to the window and I lost myself in the curve of her neck lit by the pale glow that came from outside. My eyes skimmed over the texture of her skin, the delicacy of the curves that led to her jaw, and her expression delighted with the sporadic light in the void.

I blinked, trying not to get lost like her in those beautiful things that eyes had a hard time escaping.

"That's the blade of justice." I pointed to a cluster of stars in the window and traced the lines with my finger to form the design of a sword pointing towards the galaxy's core. "The revolution says that it points to the core because, if they want justice, that's where they must take their fight."

She turned a puzzled look at me.

"Apparently we'll meet them there then..." Maybe sooner. "Do you know any other constellations?"

"Many... Almost all..." I smiled. "See that one? It is a piece of the heart of Akhoslos, a great ancient warrior. Legends say that, in the early days of the Empire, there was the cruelest war this galaxy has ever seen, and if nothing was done, everyone's extinction would be certain. So Akhoslos broke his heart and scattered the pieces over the periphery of the galaxy, to protect everything that was within its limits..."