Endosymbiosis

15. Instinct

In fact, after two noxdiems of traveling, we had to make another stop. Quick thing, no biggie.

The cartridges Donecea had stolen were enough to get us far away from the Blood District, but with them alone, we wouldn't get anywhere near the galaxy's core. I would need to refuel my ship; and, this time, I wouldn't make the mistake of doing it on a planet.

I stopped the Hasta in the orbit of one of my stars and took a spacesuit out of the closet.

"Are you going outside?!" Donecea squeaked as I put that kind of armor over the clothes.

"I've done it enough to know it's safe."

"I think you mean you've done this enough to lose track of the danger."

I smiled at her crossed arms.

"I would also be worried if this was just any outfit. But this armor is so tough that I can get into that sun and I won't even get hot." Maybe I was exaggerating a little, but it was really a great outfit.

"And how did you build something supposedly so strong?"

Distracted with the chest buckles and starting to get used to answering more questions than I should have, I couldn't stop the words from escaping me before they were already in her ears:

"My father built it." Damn it. I wanted to be quiet, forever maybe, but I had already started, so it became even harder to stop... Especially when it was the first time I had been heard in so long. "That was his legacy... In addition to that broken chair..." The copilot's chair, where I sat when he once piloted the Hasta... Traveling the vastness and talking about things that no longer mattered, good moments in themselves, and not just because I couldn't have them anymore.

"What happened?" She asked softly, feeling my abyss.

"What happens to those who are no longer here."

I put on the helmet.

"I'm... Very sorry..."

And, watching her, it felt like she really felt all my pain... Almost as if I could share it with her.

But I didn't want her to feel sorry for me; because if she felt for one thing, she would feel for my whole life; and the rest of my ego would be crushed. It was like coffee grounds, a remnant you use to try to imagine the future when the present has not yet reached your dreams. And, in the end, it was all that was left, like the memory of the taste of coffee in the mouth...

I decided to change the subject.

"You can talk to me on the panel." My voice was picked up by the helmet and reached her through the ship's speakers. "But only emergencies, preferably."

"So you're expecting an emergency?"

"You would complain if I wasn't."

She shook her head. I had made a good point.

"At least you're being cautious... I'm surprised." She provoked.

"It is not so difficult to surprise you, apparently."

"Some things are impossible to predict." I shrugged to her words. "Like you being prudent, for example."

I raised my hands in surrender and let her win, but that made her smile fall. She didn't want to win... She wanted to run away from the silence.

But that wasn't in the agreement.

I made sure my armor was in order and headed for the exit.

"If something tries to kill you, I'll be within shouting distance."