Farctated With The Dusk

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In all honesty, he didn’t think he would be here, in this state of mind whatsoever. He knew well enough he wasn't at all normal, not having the perfect set of a mind up there and his twisted mind along with his intense depression. But this felt quite different.

At one point, he chose to fake his true hollow feelings, covering them with the bubbly persona he had created for himself, and after a time he started to believe he was indeed fine and happy, his own mind desperately crawling to whatever seemed good.

But that wasn't the case, at all. One distinct, faint & sane part of his mind warned him, day by day to snap out of the dilemma he had kicked his own self into, to not have any hope that was based on his false persona. But, he ignored the constant pounding of his head, too naïve and too yarning for any kind of light and bright feeling within his dark and gloomy life. That didn’t benefit him in any way, it just drowned him worse.

It took a harsh and a paining a whiplash-like panic attack to finally snatch him out of his paranoia, making him drop on his knees as broken sobs and whimpers left his lips with a dropped and broken heart. He couldn’t be more disappointed in himself, hated himself even more for caving in to his mind plays and to his crushed feelings. That night was the start for all the unbearably awful days he had spent, feeling as if his soul was out of his body and he was nothing but the walking dead.

That was until he looked up at the Aurora of a sky, orange and violet mixing so beautifully with the fading stars and moon that were yet to disappear. Something then, clicked inside of him, something foreign was set free to course throughout his warm blood.

In all of his upside down life, he never saw things with the eyes of excitement, appreciation or even normality, but only saw them as dull and colorless as his mind could make them be. But the sudden click from within changed it all suddenly hitting him with Kalopsia. The things in his vision started to flourish the colors of their own, starting with a small tint and later on blooming into full bright colors.

He was skeptical about it all, thinking that he finally went mental and his mind was pulling another of its twisted games, but as he kept looking at the full bloomed colors and weirdly, dull at the same time, he couldn’t help but be allured by it all, his heart beat pounding against his ribs so furiously as if he had just gained his breath. So beautiful….Such a heartbreaking beauty….A breath taking sight….

He couldn’t believe it himself but, for once he was grateful that he was still standing, still taking breaths just to see this wonderful colors sprout and create such a fascinating sight for him to see. The peculiar thing of all of this was that the colors he saw weren't of anything of astonishing nature's beauty or any such things, it was all his familiar surroundings, the environment he had been seeing through his dull eyes before.

The desire he had for these colors turned into an obsession and then to an aesthetic addiction. Questions buzzed in his mind upon the sudden turn of events, his once dreaded and numb mind now pounding with many voices and thoughts, deep feelings over the simplest things. He started to see things much more from what they presented, giving them his own splash of colors to make them seem more beautiful.

He didn't understand the rush of emotion his heart was speedy for, but sure enough the pain didn’t leave, it actually become worse by the minute. This new upgraded pain gave him more of those eerie thoughts to buzz his mind, more feelings to ache his heart and more colors to pleasure his eyes contrasting to the prior pain, which only numbed his soul.

Weird, isn't it?

This doesn’t make any sense at all, right?

Exactly, No sense.

It first felt like he was going to see his light at the end of his unending and miserable tunnel, as if his mind was going to rest in tranquility and for the first time ever, going to feel fine.  Instead, the pain inside him grew, his head aching as if it was splitting into two, his panic attacks acting up frequently than before, his tears falling endlessly. It was churning his insides that he was just inches away from wishing to feel numb as before, but….No.

Even if this was killing him from within, he still loved the colors that fluttered his insides, loved how it all made his depression lovely, loved how he got the chance to fade away while sipping the many of the dull but bright & gorgeous colors through his eyes.

But most of all, he absolutely ravished how this bizarre yet divine aesthetic feeling made death more majestic, leaving him to want it more than he ever did. He indeed had desired for death to come and sweep him up from his feet and carry him into the abyss even before, but this time he wanted it with all the fibers in his body.

The colors just made all of it bewitching, making depression more alluring, making death grand and glorious, almost like a queen.

Aurora: the dawn in the early morning

Kalopsia: the delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are

🔹Original Work🔸