BLUE

one

Alone in thought is the worst place to be.

The paper slices through the first layer of my skin, threatening indifference agaisnt the almond tone. I regret to inform my family I have nowhere to go.

"Your fingers bleeding." Evangaline's sunny voice enters the doors of the cave I've trapped myself in, laced with pretty poison that she's woven herself into without getting pricked.

I look up at her, placing the finger in my mouth, her nose scrunches but not in disgust but delight. "You are something else," she grins shaking her pretty head, auburn locks tangled as they sway against the light shining through her room, letting us know it's still day.

I work my lips up into a smile, whilst rotting skin and flesh in, captivated by the loneliness I've been dealt with by what some assume spirits, others gods, I shy away from the topic, holding it with pretty disregard. I don't mess with spirits and in return, they don't mess with me.

"There's the party today, they expect you to attend." Her voice is hollow but her request still stands.

"But my finger is broken," I pout, whilst staring at the mirror looking at the real poison.

"Don't play pretend," she leaps from the bed, grace injected into her pretty feet that carry her from place to place so beautifully.

"I have nothing to offer," dullness creates immunity, of those who pretend to love but in silence seethe.

"You are the sun to these people, they expect your attendance." It's not a lie, I know, it's just that it all comes crashing down when I'm alone.

"Fine," I agree half-heartedly, just to see the pleasant smile draw across her porcelain skin as she dances around the room squealing.

Everyone loves what they can not have, what they can not gain. What drew me to you, was your absolute disdain. I'd never seen you before this party, never cared to open my eyes and notice anyone but myself.

We get ready with music playing in the background. I strip from my oversized clothes, swapping them into something more appropriate.

"The girl of the hour!" they all cheer for me, leaning down I blow out the candles not bothering to tell them my favorite flavor of cake isn't chocolate rather caramel, or how the decorations are all wrong, and that there is nothing to celebrate except my dread of being here another year.

"How many people are here?" I battle the flashes of the camera from my friend's phones, whilst planting a smile across my lips that are painted with clear gloss illuminating agaisnt the dark exterior of the room.

"Thirty?" Evangeline's voice is sheepish as her shoulders slump with knowing, "That's all I said for them to invite anyways, but you know them, how they get carried away." I do, and that's what hurts me the most, no one knows who I am, trapped inside myself lays the empty shell of a ghost.

Time passes as the sun prevails, days on the brink of merging as bodies clash with teen youth doused in the air. I've found a corner to sit at.

A boy walks in like he owns the place, not caring as the vase on the table he's just walked into shatters across the floor. But no one turns, immune to the sound as they press their body's closer together, craving the feel of electricity that'll die down once tomorrow follows.

I don't notice I'm alone until I go to talk to someone as his gaze holds mine, even the dark of what's supposed to be a Euphoria party theme, I still latch onto your height that towers everyone else and those green eyes that trap me into gaze. To my surprise, you don't even stop at me, but walk straight past like we hadn't just stared at each other.

It's not until later on when I've decided I've had enough of the songs and the people and the lack of sleep, I decide to leave the house. I hear footsteps behind me, but don't take any particular care as I take a seat on the curb hoping my dress doesn't raise with the uncalled for breeze.

"Your eyes are empty," I know it's you, even if I don't look back, I haven't heard a voice like that before. And I know everyone. What shocks me isn't that you followed me out but that I thought you were going to compliment me on my beauty. On how rich and rare I seemed, I should have known you weren't like the others right then and there.

"You lie." My voice comes out shakier than I'd want it to but I don't bow my head, or grab onto the sleeves of my dress for comfort, no one noticed. What sets you apart from the majority? You take a seat next to me.

Turning to my left I take you in, your dark brunette hair, tall frame, a blue jumper that hugs your physique so well I don't even have to ask if you're built to know you are. "Who are you?" I demand, I haven't seen any pretty boys here in a while.

I wish I'd never asked, maybe I'd be better off if I hadn't known you from the start. Liar, you had called me that earlier, and now I agreed. Because as the sun nestled behind the trees, I looked over to see your eyes glowing green agaisnt the summer skies, and regret vanished away because I knew you wouldn't tell me your name today.

No reponse. "Blue," I settle with the color of your hoodie, it brings out your eyes.

"What's yours?" I zip my lips. Raising a brow to let you see how I felt when you kept your name from me. "Lilac." You decide, your eyes sparkling with tainted pride.

"But I'm not wearing any purple?" I cross my arms, not doubting I'm jutting my bottom look as well, you dont scold me but tilt your head in an attempt to read me. Your unkept hair falling over your eyes, I'm not sure whether you can see me from under there.

Instinctively reaching my hand out I brush it back for you, it's soft to my touch, I'm almost jealous of how nice it feels, you hum in appreciation but then I retreat. I do not know you Blue, so how can you be affecting me?

"Why are you here Blue?"

"I'm looking for someone." I thought you were so mysterious, a boy on the hunt. Sometimes I'd like to lie to myself, believe you were looking for me. But oh Blue, we never said it but I think we both knew.

"Do you need any help?" I offer, not understanding why I would want to waste my summer holidays, but offering nonetheless.

You took one good look at me. You're dark brunette hair shining in the light, as your forest green eyes turned a bit bright and your almost tan skin glimmering, I thought for sure you'd agree. "No."