my light, my misery, my tainted blue.
↳ I didn't mean to break your heart.
• • • • • •
where a girl in fear of being alone meets a boy who's fear is companionship.
2# - grieving
1# - summertoremember
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The next three days go by like that, we meet at the park you say something that makes me roll my eyes and we go on trips.
I don't know what exactly it is you are looking for, but I respect your boundaries in a way that is uncalled for. You take me to the museum, show me art, yet you are the only masterpiece without a description.
I barely know who you are, but I feel so close to you like maybe our worlds aren't so much apart.
It's on the fourth day, I break the silence. "Blue, do you really not want me around?" We're walking down the streets to Tilly's bakery as we do on every trip. I have to go home most days before sundown, or my mom will throw a fit, I don't know where you disappear to, but I don't make a big deal of it.
You pause at your place on the cobblestone, random people passing us as they walk by, I catch up staring at your forest green eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Do you not like having me around, do I upset you? cause you an unwanted presence?"
"I like having you around Lilac, it's just that I'm not much of a talker, I don't like companionship."
"Then why do you like me?"
"I'm still trying to figure that out." You say absentmindedly, but there is confusion laced in your voice and I know the truth is what you say.
We enter the store but Tilly isn't there today, another woman graces our presence with dyed auburn hair and dark rich skin. "Hi, welcome to Tilly's Teatime, what can I get the both of you?"
"Wheres Tilly?"
"Oh, uhm, she's left for a week." The woman's words are rushed, as she fidgets with her apron strings.
Thinking nothing of it, I order the usual, thankful that at least now I can pay. Tilly just offers and offers without taking anything in return, at first I thought it was just because I was a first-time customer, but then time went on and she'd never let me pay as if there was something deeper I hadn't quite grasped yet.
We leave the store as quickly as we enter, Blue by my side. He doesn't talk much to me after leaving the store, it's like he's trapped in his own universe and the only way for him to get out of that pretty little head of his, is to sleep it off.
You complimented me that day Blue, you said I shouldn't shy away from talking so much, it just means I have more to share with the world. I don't know if you know this, but I've never smiled harder than that,
Constantly being put down for how much I talk, led me to such intense insecurity that I started to talk in my head, letting thoughts devour me silently as I struggled, but posed happily externally.
