Bittersweet

~ ~ Ducks in a Row ~ ~

~ ~ Gabriele ~ ~

Three months flashed by in a blur. Al's body had finally been released following the murder investigation and her 'husband' didn't visit LA to claim or organise a burial.  That left me and Jenna to arrange and it felt only right we take charge and give her a fitting send-off on behalf of Elijah. 

Elijah...a precious gift. I knew a day would arrive when we would need to sit him down and chat about Al and hopefully, he would understand the choices we made on his behalf and at the very least he could visit her grave and feel a connection on some level. 

Jenna had repeatedly told me I was a good man doing this, but a part of me just felt selfish because I didn't feel bad for the way everything had turned out—No, I didn't want Al dead, but I still had no feelings about the whole ordeal.  I guess when all is said and done, we would leave it up to the big guy upstairs to decide if I was to be punished for my choices. 

True, me and Jenna would ensure he had the best life possible and a family that loved him without condition and I also knew Jenna would be the best mother he could wish for. It made little difference to her she hadn't given birth to him... or that he and I weren't blood related.

And one thing we both agreed on.  If we had to go back and do it again—we would.

I blew out a puff of air.  To make sure everything ran smoothly from here on in.  I had to get all my ducks in a row.

My first duck had been to visit Ms Critchet, at Children's Services. I couldn't hide the truth, although when I'd visited her this morning and we sat across from one another I never actually came out and said I wasn't Elijah's biological dad directly. Waffling I kinda suggested the idea that I might not be his dad, which in turn had provoked a response that surprised and settled me.

'Mr Valentino, the act of procreation does not transpire a father. A father is someone who will be there today, tomorrow and forever.  A good father makes a difference in a child's life. Stepping up to that challenge not knowing as you're suggesting you might not be the biological father is beyond inspiring and I feel secure in the knowledge that Elijah is right where he should be and will grow into a fine young man because of your commitment.'

My jaw had dropped as each word sunk in. She continued.

'So, Mr Valentino, I believe this closes our case file here today.'

I'd nodded like one of those crazy nodding dogs you see on a car dashboard, unsure of what else to say.  She had effectively given me the green light in her eyes and I would not look a gift-horse in the mouth.

But now that left me with duck number two... and my attention returned to the structure in front of me... California State Prison.

The doors opened and a buzzer sounded.  I expected a huge bald prison guard covered in tattoos to come out and lead us in, but it was a small slim guy in a uniform that looked too big for him.  I guessed I'd watched too many tv shows.