falling asleep ➫; regulus black

part I: Sirius Black

My dear older brother Sirius, two years older than me and the more rebellious out of the two of us. He was always defying our parent's wishes and didn't care about their old pureblood beliefs.  Sirius and I, our relationship was complicated, to say the least. Unlike Sirius, I believed in our parent's pureblood beliefs, and to them was the much better son.  As we grew up we drifted apart, our paths diverged from one another and we no longer spoke.

my earliest memory,
As children we were close. My earliest memory was when Sirius was seven and I was around five.  Sirius had gotten into trouble before dinner and he was sent to bed without dinner. I don't recall what had happened but all I remember was that there was a lot of screaming and cursing. That night's dinner was a very unpleasant one.

I had stuck some food in my pockets and went and knocked on Sirius's door.

I could hear Sirius yell "don't come in!"

"Sirius it's me" I responded as the door opened. I could tell Sirius had been crying but had done his best to hide the fact.

"Hey Reggie," He said as he let me into his room.

I looked around and took out two rolls from dinner and set them on his desk. They were a bit squished from being in my pockets but I was pretty sure they were still edible. "here these are for you"

Sirius smiled a bit and had ruffled my hair saying "thanks Reggie" and he grabbed the rolls and sat on his bed and started to eat them. He patted the empty space next to him and I sat down.

"Our parents are loony Reg," Sirius had started to say. "They are bloody insane"

I interrupted him and said, "Sirius you aren't supposed to swear, mom doesn't like it when you swear." Of course, I had listened to our mother.

Sirius sighed a bit, he shook his head a bit and responded "Reg, our parents aren't good people."  At the age of seven Sirius had many experiences with how our parents were not good people. After all, he had been a rebellious kid, even in childhood.

At the time I didn't realize this, but in this little moment, Sirius had been trying to save me from our parents. I was five and just listened to our parents. I wished I had listened to Sirius maybe I wouldn't be dying right now.

"I don't understand" I responded and looked up at Sirius and was confused.

Sirius softly said, "you will one day..." and he finished up one of the rolls, "here eat this one okay?" and he gave me the other roll.

I ate the roll and smiled saying "Thank you" Sirius smiled a bit and put an arm around my shoulder.

I stayed in Sirius's room for the rest of the night. As we both could hear our parents arguing and I didn't want to leave Sirius's room. I ended up sleeping next to Siriuis that night. This was one of my earliest good memories with Sirius.

Of course, I had some bad memories, but the only memories that I really cared about were the good ones. I wonder if Sirius had missed me as much as I missed him.  If he had noticed the glances I had made when I saw him in the halls of Hogwarts. I wonder if he had ever wanted to come up and hug me as much as I wanted to go up and hug him.  Now I'm just dying with many regrets.