was yours ; junhui

x

[ j u n ' s p o v ]

it's been 2 weeks since i last got a letter from dahyeon. what exactly did she mean by 'last?'

i scurried towards my trash bin, digging through various papers until i finally saw her last letter.

"i'll be gone soon."

tears unconsciously dripped from my eyes. please tell me this isn't happening..

i hurriedly went outside and in my car, driving towards her house.

i didn't care if i was going to get pulled up by police for speeding. i didn't care at all.

with her house in my point of view, i stopped the car and ran at full speed.

i banged her gate, calling for her name. "dahyeon! where are you!"

suddenly, i heard an old lady, which i'm assuming was dahyeon's landlady. "are you looking for dahyeon?" she asked.

i got startled. i wiped my tears, pretending everything was fine. "yeah, have you seen her?"

"i've got news to tell you.." she mumbled, but it was loud enough to make me hear it.

"come with me." she said, going inside dahyeon's house as i followed her.

it's been a while since i've been here..

"sit down." she gestured and pointed to a seat infront of her, as she also sat down.

"so about dahyeon.." she started to chat.

"you must be junhui, right?"

i nodded, tears rolling down my cheeks again.

is she going to tell me that dahyeon is..

"oh my, dahyeon loved you so much."

"ever since that you guys were together, she'd always tell me sweet things about you."

"her dad died when she was still a kid."

what? she never told me that...

"and her mom left her and gave her to me, so i just took her offer."

"3 weeks ago, her mom also died in a car accident so she was devastated."

nor that....

"i was her second mother."

"now tell me junhui, did you know about her condition?"

"what condition?" i asked, curious.

she never told me these things..

"she was diagnosed with major depression and anxious destress."

i just opened my mouth in shock. i was speechless.

why did she keep this to herself?

"her mom died a day from your breakup."

no way..

"where's dahyeon now?" endless tears were still rolling down.

"she's not here anymore."

that's when everything stopped for me.

i didn't believe what she said.

"what?" i asked for verification.

"she passed away the other day, she-" the old lady stopped talking to gesture that dahyeon killed herself.

"what..?" i was speechless.

"she wanted to give you this."

the old lady gave me a letter and walked away, leaving me alone with my though and the letter.

with blurry eyes, i opened the letter.

- - - - - -

dear jun,

you're probably thinking that i'm a wimp.

i don't have any hopes that you'll be reading this

so i'm gonna make this short.

i really love you.

but you don't love me back.

was yours,
d.

- - - - - -

i fell to my knees, wailing. i didn't knew that we would come to this.

"yah, dahyeon.." i sobbed.

"if you're listening to me up there.."

"i really meant it whenever i say i love you."

"the reason i broke up with you is because i could feel that i was hurting you."

"i didn't want the person i love to be hurting.."

"so i wanted to break up instead, to try to make you not hurt."

"but i managed to fuck up everything.."

i stopped talking for myself a bit. i sniffed and continued,

"why didn't you tell me that you were suffering from these things?"

"i could've helped you"

"instead of helping you stop hurting,"

"i managed to make it worse.."

"i loved you so much.."

"i'm sorry i wasn't the guy you wanted me to be."

"i'm sorry that i wasn't by your side when you needed me."

"i realized how much of a jerk i am."

"you deserved someone much better than me."

i stopped again and looked up at the ceiling. "i hope your good up there."

"i miss you."

"i really liked being yours."

"i was yours..."

-

끝.

the end.

-