she's got you mesmerized

now i'm getting colder | part one

content warnings: (faked) major character death, mentions of/implied sex, mentions of vomiting (nothing descriptive), swearing

After the night in Connecticut, Spencer expects everything to change.

He expects you to start spending less time with him and more time with Emily, openly. He expects to have to watch you kiss her, listen to you gush about her to him. He thinks you may even be upset with him for exposing your relationship. So to say that he's surprised when barely anything changes at all is an understatement.

The amount of time you spend together does go down, but only by about three hours and seventeen minutes per week. (Not that he calculated it on purpose—it's one of those things he keeps track of without really meaning to.) You still spend a lot of your time with him, listening to him tell you about the books he's reading and discussing what's going to be shown at this year's Georgetown foreign film festival. You don't talk about Emily that much; at least, not any more than you did before.

Your behavior at work doesn't change much, either. You and Emily keep things professional there for the most part, enough so that he can almost pretend that you aren't in love with someone else.

Almost.

Three weeks after Connecticut, his attention is drawn away from his paperwork when you reach over the partition between your desks and tap on the wood.

"Spence."

"What?"

"Are we still on for the Doctor Who marathon tomorrow?"

He blinks. "Oh, um." He's been so caught up in... well, in sulking, that he's actually forgotten something. "Yeah, I guess. If you still want to. It's okay if you don't."

You frown at him. "Why wouldn't I want to?"

"I mean, I just figured..." He leans back in his chair, rocking it a bit. "I figured you'd rather spend time with Emily."

"Oh." Your expression doesn't change much; you still look confused by his words. "Just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean I want to stop spending time with you, Spencer. You're still my best friend."

"Really?" he asks before he can stop himself.

"Really," you affirm with a small laugh. "One o'clock, my place. Don't forget the snacks."

"I won't," he replies quietly, trying to ignore the little bud of hope sprouting in his chest, the thoughts of maybe things aren't going well between you two and that's why you want to spend Saturday with him, maybe you and Emily are going to break up—

You rest your chin in your hand as your expression shifts into something serene. Your gaze moves from his face to behind him and he follows it, turning in his chair to see—

Emily's just walked back into the bullpen with a stack of files. Your eyes follow her the entire time as she makes her way to Hotch's office, a small smile gracing your lips. You don't even notice him watching you; you just look back down at your paperwork once she's out of sight, that smile staying on your face.

Spencer's chest physically aches, the bud of hope crushed. He returns to his own work, swallowing hard and trying to ignore the tears pricking at his eyes. You've never looked at him like that, and he would give anything for that to change.

---

Emily had wanted to smack herself when she realized that she was catching feelings for a coworker again.