"I didn't mean it." (Natasha x GN!Reader)

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Summary: You overhear a conversation you shouldn't in which Natasha convinces Fury not to let you take point on an upcoming mission. 

Rating: Teen

Tags: angst, SHIELD!Agent!Reader, established relationship, resolved arguments

Tags: angst, SHIELD!Agent!Reader, established relationship, resolved arguments

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Incoming call: Romanoff, Natasha

You smiled at the screen and brought your phone up to your ear. "Hey, lover. How are you -"

"- a seat, Romanoff."

You caught your tongue so quickly at Fury's voice that you nearly bit it in two. Of course, Natasha would never purposefully call you while she was working; she was far too dedicated an agent for that. An accidental dial, then. Her phone, hardy as it was, had been beginning to play up recently – much to her annoyance. Stubborn as ever, though, Natasha refused to trade it up until it completely died on her.

Finger hovering over the end call button, you paused when you heard your name. Why would Nat and Fury be talking about you? Maybe someone had found out about your relationship and passed it on up the chain. If that were the case, it was way below Fury's remit. Admittedly, Natasha was ranked higher than everyone in HR so being chastised by them wouldn't mean much compared to her actual superior. That seemed an unlikely waste of his time, though.

And you were right. The conversation swerved to a fugitive in Austria, wanted for selling alien tech on the black market. You'd read the files; he was a tricky man to catch. Agents had been trying for months now but every time they got close he triggered one of his extra-terrestrial weapons and disappeared amid the fallout.

They discussed files way above your clearance but you couldn't quite bring yourself to hang up. If someone asked, you could always claim to have not heard properly. It was a shaky connection, the phone being in Natasha's jacket after all. Perched against the wall, you smiled at everyone that wandered past, sweet and innocent, as if you weren't listening in on a private conversation between two of SHIELD's highest agents. When your name popped up again, you slipped into the stairwell and sat listening even harder than before.

"You've been overseeing their training. Are they up to leading the team?"

You held your breath with excitement. This was it! Your big break. But then, like a gut punch, Natasha said stiffly, "It would, in my opinion, be a mistake, Sir."

It was quiet for a moment and then Fury thanked her, decision made. He didn't even give it a second thought. Whatever belief he'd had in your abilities was swept away with Natasha's brutal response. Your shot to prove your abilities over before it had even begun.

You calmly ended the call and set the phone down, pushing your raging feelings down as far as they would go. It would do no good to make a scene in the middle of HQ but you couldn't stay here. You could barely think straight. How could Natasha do that to you? She knew how desperate you were to progress, to lead a team for yourself. You could make a difference, you were certain.

After the months of work you'd put in, your physical scores were phenomenal and you'd passed every single training op with flying colours. Your files were thick with commendations from superior officers as you'd clawed your way to the top and now that you were within reach of what you most desired Natasha had seen it torn from your grasp.

Back against the door, the weight of all the secrets you'd shared threatened to crush your chest. Those peaceful lunches and passionate dinners, all the hopes and dreams you'd shared on her pillows. Natasha knew how much this opportunity had meant to you yet she'd blocked your road without a second thought, dismissed you so easily that Fury hadn't even bothered to ask for clarification.

She'd promised that she would always have your back. A lie? It was almost unsurprising, given how easily she lied to everyone else – Fury included. But she'd always been honest with you, even if it were only half truths to protect her heart. Or, at least, that was what you'd thought. How could you trust anything she'd said? Was every encouraging word she'd ever spoken false? Had she ever cared about you at all?

Or was that the worse option? What if this had been her plan all along? Guard your back only to find the perfect moment in which to stab you. You couldn't fathom why she'd do such a thing. You weren't important, were easily replaced within SHIELD – as she had herself just proven. But then why? What possible reason could Natasha have to hurt you like this?

You watched the sun cross the sky from the stairwell until the door opened, scratching against the concrete ground. Natasha sat beside you, a warm smile on her face, the very picture of affection. "The lab's been trying to get you all afternoon. What are you doing out here? Did Christiansen finally drive you mad?"

"How could you?"

Natasha frowned. She searched your expression for clarification then her gaze dropped to the phone beside you. She pulled out her own phone and checked the call logs, despite already knowing what she'd find. "Ah."

"Ah."

"I wasn't trying to interfere with your career."

Your harsh chuckle echoed down the stairwell. "You told Fury that letting me command a mission was a mistake, Nat."

"I didn't mean it. I know that you would make an excellent CO."

"Then why did you say it? Why you did you cut me out like that?"

Natasha flinched, such a small reaction but enough to make you turn away and take a breath. Her hand hovered over your shoulder, not quite touching yet near enough to feel the slight tremble of her fingers. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I can take care of myself, Natasha."

"I know, my darling, I know." She found your hand and you reluctantly allowed her to weave your fingers together. A little of your anger dimmed as she stroked her thumb over your skin, shuffled closer and lowered her voice. "You saw what those weapons did to Thompson and he's one of the best specialists there is. The thought of you being caught up in a blast like that. I couldn't bear for that to happen."

Another piece of your anger chipped away. You rest your head on her shoulder and stared out across the city, unsure where to go from here. "Next time, talk to me. Don't go behind my back." Natasha nodded. You rose to your feet and climbed up the stairs without looking back. However, you did pause at the door to say, "I'm cooking pasta bake tonight. If you want to join, you know where the key is."

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