Mean Girls

xvii. the election

Ryujin doesn't know how she makes it through the conclusion of the debate, but she refuses to run away before John finishes his closing speech. She will not give Chaeryeong or this school the satisfaction. As she stares straight ahead, careful not to make eye contact with anyone, she feels every inch of her burn with hurt and she can feel the cracks inside of her, barely holding back the waterworks.

As soon as John is done, she bolts without a backward glance, desperate to get out of this toxic school. She's striding across the pavement towards the parking lot, the hot sun beating down on her mercilessly when she hears her name being called.

The voice that calls it used to fill her stomach with butterflies but all it does now is burn her up inside out.

"Ryujin, wait, please wait!"

Ryujin is inclined to ignore her, but she thinks she deserves to give Chaeryeong a last piece of her mind before she leaves.

She stops and spins around to face Chaeryeong, who also stops a few feet away, staring at Ryujin with wide, cautious eyes.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say that, I don't know why I did," she stumbles miserably over her words and it only makes Ryujin angrier.

"Save it," she snaps and thankfully, Chaeryeong shuts her trap before Ryujin goes and loses her damn mind. She takes a deep breath and concentrates hard on keeping the tears from falling. "Every time I think there's absolutely nothing left that you can do to shock me, you go and fucking surprise me, Chaeryeong." She lets out a short, dry laugh and shakes her head. Chaeryeong has the decency to look ashamed. "I know what you're capable of and how far you're willing to go, but I still never thought you were capable of this. I never thought you would use something I told you in confidence against me. A piece of me that I trusted you with and you just threw it back in my face. I'm the fool though, shame on me for ever trusting someone like you."

Chaeryeong lowers her gaze from Ryujin's heated one.

Ryujin watches her for a few seconds. "I wish you had asked me about Hwiyoung instead of going nuts and drawing your own insane conclusions. I never did anything with him. I never cared about him. Maybe if you had asked we wouldn't be here."

Chaeryeong winces visibly and lifts her eyes, looking tormented. She opens her mouth, probably to apologize, but Ryujin doesn't give her the chance.

"I actually thought you had some redeeming qualities, but you proved me wrong," she spits. "I can only imagine what you did and where you went to dig up that information about me." Ryujin takes a moment to breathe. "And yeah, you're right, Chaeryeong, my father wouldn't be proud of me. He probably would've wanted me to take care of my younger siblings and my mother after he passed away, but instead I went down a self-destructive path. It's a part of my life that I'm deeply ashamed of and wish I could take back. So, yeah, there it is. Are you proud of yourself?"

Chaeryeong looks at her with a deeply mortified face, bright brown eyes blank with tears. Ryujin feels absolutely nothing but pain and rage. She starts to back away.

"You know what? I can't do this ridiculous dance with you anymore," Ryujin's voice cracks on the last word and her vision blurs. She has to take a moment to collect herself. "I'm tired, Chaeryeong, and it's not fucking worth it anymore. You can have it: the election, this school, it's all yours, you can shove it up your ass for all I care. I don't give a fuck anymore. Just... leave me alone, ok? Leave me the fuck alone."

She turns on her heels and walks away.

Ryujin isolates herself from the world throughout the weekend, staying off social media and throwing her phone in the bottom of her drawer. She spends the days in bed, marathoning a shitty show on netflix to distract her distressed mind.