my past life

•8•

I don't know how to do it.

How do I tell the love of my life that I've been cheating this whole time? How do I tell her that I let my past life get in the way of what could have been my future? It's not going to be my future anymore though. She's going to leave me faster than lightning.

I've been pacing back and forth for like twenty minutes now. I keep imagining scenarios of how everything is going to go down.

Is she going to leave? Cry? Scream? Kill me? Or is she going to forgive me? Get over it? Still love me? I have no idea how it's going to go and it's driving me insane.

"Edwin," the front door opens. "Baby, why are you pacing?"

I stop dead in my tracks, "Oh, hi, love."

"Are you okay?" She asks as she takes off her shoes. "I've never seen you pace before."

"I'm okay," I smile lightly.

She walks over to me and wraps her arms around me. I immediately push her off of me. I can't have her hugging on me. I can't keep letting her get attached to me. I've already done enough damage.

"Edwin?" She asks with a hurt look on her face. I hate that I'm hurting her even more, "What are you doing?"

"I can't do this to you anymore."

"Do what?"

I shake my head and I quickly look down at the ground, "I can't keep playing you. I can't keep stringing you along."

"What the hell does that even mean? How could you be playing me?"

"Can we sit?" I ask her.

"No," she says. "Just tell me now. What is happening?"

"Did Lydia tell you about Emily?"

"Yes," she says. "She warned me about an Emily, but never told me who she really was. I didn't worry about it though because I trust you."

"Lydia doesn't know Emily. She had an idea of who she was and she was right. She didn't tell you that part though."

"Well who the hell is she?"

I sigh, "She was my girlfriend."

"So she is your ex now? Why is that such a big deal, Edwin?"

"Because, Nicole, she was my girlfriend the entire time we have been dating!"

"What?" She asks.

"Emily has been my girlfriend for awhile now. We both decided to do long distance when I moved, but it didn't work the best. We barley talked and we never saw each other," I say. "So when I was here and when I met you I completely fell in love with you. I forgot about Emily. I forgot that she was in my life. I put her on the back burner for you because I love you."

She blinks her eyes a few times and then looks away from me, "You were cheating this whole time? You played us both this entire time?"

"I didn't mean it like that, Nicole. I didn't even talk to Emily. It was like we weren't even dating anymore."

"So why the hell didn't you break up with her?" She yells. "It could have been that simple!"

"Because I couldn't just break up with her over the phone. I wanted to do it in person."

"Oh, how kind of you! Waiting to break up with someone in person! So fucking considerate!"