my past life

•9•

⚠️TW: suicide⚠️

I've been laying next to Nicole for hours now. She has been sleeping for awhile. She ended up tearing her ACL. She's out for the rest of the season and maybe part of next years season. ACL recoveries take forever.

She doesn't know that she's out for that long yet. I don't know how to tell her that part. It's going to destroy her. Basketball is her life. How do you tell someone they can't play for that long? It's just not fair.

Nicole has surgery in about an hour. Usually they wait a bit, but her tear is really bad. They said they needed to get in there right away to repair it or else it could cause even more damage to her knee.

"Ughhh," I look up to see Nicole awake. Even though she's on pain meds she's still in pain. "Did we win?"

I chuckle lightly, "Yes, love."

"We did?" She asks all excited.

"Yea. Haley scored a three to win it."

She smiles super big, "That's my girl."

"They are actually all here right now," I say.

"My team?"

"Yes," I say. "They all came right after the game was over. They have been waiting in the waiting room."

"I'm going to kill them."

I laugh, "Why?"

"Because they are supposed to be out celebrating the win, but they are sitting in a waiting room. That's no fun at all."

"They are worried," I say. "We were all worried."

She sighs, "Edwin, why are you here? I didn't want to say anything, but I can't help it. I mean why did you even come to the game?"

"Because even though you may not choose me in the end, I will always choose you. You're my person and I'm not going to just give up on the idea of us."

"I told myself I couldn't forgive you," she says. "I didn't want to give in that easily."

"Then don't. What I did was fucked up and I understand why you hate me."

"Why are you staying? If you think I hate you then when are you staying? Why not run?"

"Because I promised you I wouldn't run. No matter how hard it got," I say. "That's why I'm staying."

"I'm sorry," she says.

"Why?" I ask. "You have no reason to apologize to me. I'm the one that hurt you. There is no need to apologize to me."

"I love you," she whispers. "But I can't yet. I can't do this with you yet. Maybe later in life, but I can't right now."

"When is later?" I ask.

"I don't know," she whispers as a few tears fall down her rosy cheeks, "Maybe soon or maybe awhile. Only time will tell."

I look down, "Yea."

"I love you, Edwin. I really do, but what you did hurt. I can't just get over that."

"I understand. I will wait for you. Whenever you are ready to come back I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."

She nods her head lightly and then wipes the tears from her face, "I guess this is goodbye?"

"No," I say. "It's more of a see you later."

She smiles, "I love you, Edwin."

"And I love you more," I stand up from my chair and I start towards the door, "I'll send the team in."