ALWAYS, I'LL CARE - A. Sendoh

ninth letter & and the last letter

dearest akira sendoh,

i've heard the news. america, huh? i never knew you also have plans of pursuing your career by going overseas or out of the country. i never knew until this day came, where uozumi-san told me. and your plan was never announced in the first place. after hearing the news, i had to lock myself in my room for about hours. with an empty stomach. the food i cooked turned cold. and i don't have an appetite after all. it was the fact that you're really leaving soon. the fact that i won't be able to see you. a photo isn't an adequate replacement. maybe i'm being dramatic, dramatic for someone that you never really know at all. the fact you're still here, and yet the news alone all of a sudden made me feel so lonely.

but maybe... it was for the best after all.

maybe things would be better for me if i won't see you, maybe my mind will finally drift into different places and focus on some topics aside from the compilations i had, it was all about you. maybe this time, i can focus on healing from the one-sided and unrequited love i have for you. to focus on myself, get myself together, and pick alone the shattered pieces of me. because maybe... i never really have to care in the first place. i don't have to give a fuck every time. and i shouldn't have in the first place.

i'm still glad that my high school days end up with me realizing some things about my feelings, being confused, and learning through with it. that i've spent the last days of my high school, admiring someone like you, so much for youth.

all i can say is that i can still call my youth beautiful. despite all that hurts me, i still have those good days where i think of you and all i can do is smile all day.

this is the last time, that i'll care for you. because after this, i just don't promise but i will take care of myself more than how i tell you in these letters. this time, i will stop caring for you.

maybe a part of me is still hoping.

that somehow, and someday. no matter how heartfelt it is to have these unrequited feelings for you.

a part of me is still hoping, that somehow these letters would be able to reach you.

for the last time, i do and truly care.
y/n l/n .