ALWAYS, I'LL CARE - A. Sendoh

sendoh's last reply

dearest y/n l/n,

it was you. after all it was you all along. i didn't reply for months after receiving your letters. especially the last one. the confusion i had with your letters starts to vanish when i start asking fujima for questions. it all started with you saying that i won't see your letters because you'll never send them anyway, but they still arrived here. in fact, at my place here in america. the fact that i can't even remember your name, made me feel sick. i was at my lowest point when your seventh letter arrived, at first i was even hesitant to open it. things started to get really hard in here. i must say that i'm really exhausted.

but you made me remember that one time where i found comfort towards someone that i never knew for so long, yet felt like home. it was you. i never had a girlfriend in high school, it was a misunderstanding. the only girl that my eyes see is you. i can't approach you that time. and i ignored the fact that maybe we could be friends since i was busy building myself and pulling myself together because everyone seems to be giving their best, and here i am.

i'm so sorry, i didn't mean to make you feel that way. the first letters were fun. i love how they motivated me. i was reminded of how i was in high school, i realized my regrets and hindsight. i realized that maybe if i approach you one time, maybe this could be even more. maybe you'll never hurt like that. i apologize that you felt those things for me, i don't want you to get hurt and by reading your letters, i don't think you deserve someone like me.

thank you. thank you for giving me the admiration i never deserve. thank you for believing in me and how capable i am, thank you for writing these letters that fill the void of who i am. i am grateful that even though, i hurt you, you still cherish the part where i became a part of your youth and high school life. while reading your letters, even with the distance, i was reminded of the things i should've done in high school.

your letters, they are two years late.

and with my being, confused about you and hanagata-san, i asked fujima for the name of his girlfriend.

and it was you all along.

i cannot explain and express well what i feel about this, but one thing for sure is that...

i wish you could've sent it sooner.

always, i'll care.
akira sendoh .