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TW// character death, sort of unintentional suicide, self-depreciation, cussing, description of injuries
Summary: Tubbo reminisces. Maybe he should've thought about the weight he put on the ground first. Or maybe he knew.
꒰ 🥥 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ
Tubbo never wanted to label himself as a 'forgetful' person. Nevermind the fact that he wasn't necessarily allowed to be forgetful. Not as a spy, or as a president. Not even as a friend. He had people that relied on him. Information to give out or scribble down. Forgetting things was out of the question. But as time went on, Tubbo felt as if the relevancy of his own existence decreased. Especially after the final disc war, where Dream had revealed that he was, in fact, useless. Just a little pawn, a follower. A little asset in his game that's meant to make the game start, and becomes meaningless as Dream plays.
Tubbo was never in the lead. After everything though, Tubbo was allowed to finally feel somewhat free, because L'Manburg was ashes, and his friends were mostly gone. Gone far away, and Tubbo didn't see any problems if he were to do the same.
After building a safe home in his new place he named Snowchester, he finally let himself forget some things, because hey, he didn't have to do paper work everyday, he didn't have to remember every pointless thing and most importantly, he didn't have to be in the lead. Although he never felt like he ever was in the lead anyway.
It started of as small things only.
He forgot the simpler things. For example the anxiety he felt when he walked around the white house and passed his portrait, that hung in between Wilbur's and Schlatt's portraits. Or the bad taste in his mouth whenever Ghostbur remembered something wrong, like the election, saying they've won when Tubbo knew the truth, and had his mind replay the exact moment Schlatt had announced that Wilbur and Tommy were no longer a part of L'Manburg, and were chased out, leaving Tubbo alone with his soon to be abuser.
But as time passed, his mind started blocking off people's faces. Not their appearances, only their eyes. The only door to someone's real thoughts and opinions, if you knew how to enter. He could barely remember how Quackity was like, and what he thought about Tubbo. He knew the raven haired man was pushy, and bossy and sometimes Tubbo wished he hadn't let him stay in his cabinet, but surely he wasn't bad bad. Such a shame his mind blocked out the everyday verbal abuse he'd get from him, that way he wouldn't have to worry about Quackity's wellbeing.
Tubbo let out a frustrated sigh.
He knew this was just a response to all the trauma. Puffy has told him. He liked that he couldn't remember half his presidency, and most of Schlatt's administration, but the way he was slowly forgetting the people made his head hurt. How long would it take until he forgot himself?
