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Why?-Bucky

Why not put this picture when he looking FINE AS FUCK! Also long one, 4.3k.

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, cutting, body shaming, and mentions of blood(I know some people might think this one is weird. But my friend hates blood and hates when it's mentioned too.).

"Is this all for you today?" The cashier asked me. "Yes." I nodded. She ringed up the dress and put it in a bag. I paid for the dress and walked out the store.

I got back to the compound after putting my dress in my room. I changed my shirt from Bucky's sweatshirt and went to the lab.

I started my work for the day figuring out what some stuff was that my friends, the Avengers, picked up from a HYDRA lab. I was looking through the microscope to the sample from a serum. When I heard some other women scientists talking behind me.

"So who is she dating?" I heard the new girl, Camden, ask. "Bucky. You know the Winter Soldier. The man who looks like a fucking god." Emma, the girl I hate, told her. "Really? Bucky is dating her? He could do such better." Camden questioned. 

"I know right. Me and him would be so much better together. He shouldn't be with a fat girl like that. I mean he should be with a goddess, like me. I'm surprised he even asked her out. Let alone put up with her for almost two years." Anna, the girl I hate more the Emma, said. The girls laughed and I just tried to shake it off.

My name is Y/n Dugan. The reason I work closely with the Avengers is because best friend since I was a kid is, Tony Stark. The reason me and Tony have been close is, his dad and my grandfather, Dum Dum Dugan, worked together in SHIELD after WWII. 

Me and Tony being the geniuses we are worked our way up together. We went to college when we were kids together. I have been working at Stark Industries, SHIELD, and now at the Avengers compound. Tony's like my brother so it was hard for us to leave each other.

After finishing my work after about another hour I figured out it was another try at recreating the super-soldier serum. But after looking at the cells i saw what was wrong with it. Instead of enhancing the cells making someone stronger, it would just attack the cells breaking them down killing someone after a few days.

I made my way back up mine and Bucky's room and took a shower. While in the shower I picked up my shaving razor and looked at it. And I started thinking about my past.

One thing clear Bucky and Tony knew about my past is me being suicidal. I had this boyfriend that would hit me, degrade me, keep telling me I was ugly. So the only thing I could find as a way out was... dying. But every time I would cut he would find me and beat me more. 

Once Tony found out about what he was doing and my thoughts he beat him to a bloody pulp, made me move in with him at the house, and promised he wouldn't let me get back to cutting. But when I hear people talk about my body I can't help but think about him and the pain.

I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I put on shorts and one of Bucky's sleeping shirts which was just one of his big t-shirts. I walked back into the bathroom and looked in a bag I had stuffed in the back under the sink. I pulled out the small razor I used to cut with. I dried the bottom of the shower and laid a different towel down and sat on it.

"It'll be fine. He doesn't come home 'till tomorrow. He won't have to know." I told myself. Bucky, Natasha, Steve, Tony, and Sam were gone on a mission 'till tomorrow.

I took a deep breath and put the blade on my thigh. I pressed down and slowly moved down making a medium sized cut. I let out the breath and sighed. It started to bleed and I took in the soothing pain. 

It's been a while since I cut myself. I haven't cut since before me and Bucky got together and that was almost two and a half years ago. I never cut during our relationship because every time I heard someone say something Bucky or Tony have been here. But, they're not here right now.