The Love Letter Game || The Music Freaks

Chapter 4 | A Heart-to-Heart Sibling Talk

(Hailey's POV)

Homework.

Gosh, I hated it.

Something about today just made it so much worse though. I wasn't quite sure what, maybe it was the stress of having to write a song. Maybe it was Sean leaving for college next month, because that has no doubt left an unspoken scar on all of us. Maybe it was the fact I got offered to my dream school. Or maybe it was the fact I keep feeling butterflies around my stomach whenever I'm around Jake.

That. That was definitely it.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been feeling odd around him for the past few weeks. He had done so much for our club since joining, and really proved himself to have improved as a person.

And I'm grateful for that. But I still don't understand why I'm feeling so strange around him. It's nothing similar to what I've ever felt towards anyone else.

I've only had three real crushes throughout my lifetime.

Throughout elementary school, I liked this guy named Kingsley. The only reason I really liked him was because he played the violin from a young age, and since little Hailey was a music fanatic, it didn't take much to grow feelings for him. Since it was only really a childhood crush, I gradually lost interest in him over time.

My second crush was probably my strongest one. Luke. Since meeting him I was immediately allured by his sweet, charming personality. Throughout middle school, our friendship grew stronger, as did my feelings for him. Then, there was that one fateful day, where he confessed to me he was in love with my brother. For the sake of my relationship with Luke and potentially Zander, I forced myself to move on. Which, given the fact they're now in a relationship, I'm assuming that was the right choice.

My third and most recent crush was Sean. All through my freshmen year, and a good fraction of my sophomore year, I really liked him. Similar to my reason for liking Luke, I had always admired Sean's level-headed and calm persona, his passion for music was only an added bonus. It was around the time finals took place where my crush on him faded. I was so caught up in studying, I couldn't find time to focus on anything else, and with that, my feelings slowly went away.

As much as I really liked all three of those boys throughout different phases of my life, I wouldn't go far as to say I was actually in love with any of them at any point.

Despite that, I'd still say I'm quite experienced when it comes to liking people. However, the feelings I've felt towards Kingsley, Luke, and Sean, were all so different from how I feel when I'm with Jake.

"I just wanted to show because, well, I trust you."

The sentence had been repeating in my head all day since Jake had said it this morning. It brings butterflies to my stomach, a certain happiness that I can't quite describe.

Bittersweet. That's how he makes me feel.

I'm completely torn, because, on one hand, it doesn't feel like a crush, but on the other hand, it doesn't feel like friendship, either.

I have so many questions, yet want only one answer.

What is Jake to me?

Normally I'd keep this to myself, but the boy sitting in front of me has experience with romance. He can help me, though no doubt he'd interrogate me on who I like.

I falter, thinking to myself for a moment. It can't hurt to try, right?

"Zander?"

My brother slightly jerks at the sound of his name. He glances up from his phone, raising an eyebrow at me. "What?"

Again, I hesitate, "Um... I have a question... But you're gonna be weird about it."

His eyes narrow, something that never fails to scare me, just a little bit.

"What is it?" He snarls, that certain scowl appearing on his face.

"Okay, uh..." I take a deep breath, knowing he probably won't react well to this question, "When you started liking Luke... How did you know?"

His scowl only grows, "Do you like someone?!" His voice isn't raised, but I can tell it will be if I don't defuse the situation. This was the reaction I was expecting. Even though we aren't biologically related, Zander has always been overprotective of me. He's my big brother, I can't say it wasn't expected.

"I don't like anyone!" I quickly exclaim, "I'm just curious! I've never liked anyone before, so I wanna know." That's a lie, because I've liked three people, but Zander doesn't need to know that, especially considering one of them is his boyfriend.

Zander's expression softens, as he shuffles around in his chair, crossing his arms and putting his phone on the dining room table. "Okay... When I started liking Luke, I got really flustered when he got close to me. Considering he was my best friend, I got pretty uneasy when other people got really close to him or touched him. Probably the biggest sign was I noticed I got really defensive whenever someone brought him into a conversation he wasn't part of, regardless of what the conversation was about," He began rubbing his arm, a slightly guilty frown forming on his face, "My jealous tendencies developed far before we became a couple, and for that, I was never the greatest friend to Luke." That familiar scowl came back, as he suddenly switched his gaze to me, "Why?"

"Oh! As I said, I'm just curious," I explain, letting out a nervous chuckle.

He looks hesitant for a moment, then he speaks up, "Not too long after, I realized I loved him. He was always on my mind, and I found all his flaws charming and adorable," I could see a small smile growing on his face, "Every sweet thing he did made my heart melt... And that breathtaking laugh never failed to make my heart skip a beat..." Zander trailed off, before his eyes slightly widened. He cleared his throat, adjusting his position so he was sitting up straight, his grin now gone, "That's just how I felt, anyway."

I lightly laugh at his behavior, before letting out a sigh. There was another question I wanted an answer to. "Hey... What's the difference between liking someone and being in love with them?"

My brother remained silent, as if he was thinking. Finally, he responded, "When you like someone, you wake up every morning feeling happy and overjoyed, knowing you get to see them... When you love someone, you wake up every morning miserable, wretched, because you know that you have to see them that day, and you'll just fall for them even further, and the pain of heartbreak, knowing they'd never return your feelings is unbearable..."

Zander's tone turned dark, he gave off an eerie, uneasy feeling, one that even scared me.

He then stands up, returning to his normal self, "If you honestly want crush advice, I'd recommend talking to Milly, because I pushed off confessing for six years." With that, he disappeared down the hall, and I could hear him walking upstairs.

Glancing back down at my untouched math worksheet, I sigh. Still no closer to uncovering my feelings towards Jake.

Maybe I'll have to wait and see where the future takes us. But as of now? Relationship status... It's complicated.

~~~