My Scarf Around Your Wounds

chap 4

AZAMI

What the hell is this?

I looked disgustingly at the sketch I had drawn. I was on the brink of ripping apart the sketchbook apart.

Apparently drawing was something that was supposed to make me feel "better". Yeah right. It did the exact opposite. My over-achiever and perfectionist ass just can't stand horrible sketches. If make a sketch, it HAS to look perfect.
And this one is no way near perfect. It's not even normal.

It's....awful.

With a groan, I snapped my sketchbook shut and threw it on the grass, along with my pencil, before sprawling on the grass myself.

The sky was threaded in stars today. It was an incandescent view. It felt as if the stars were soaking all the frustration from me, replacing it with awe and air.

Breathing in them, I closed my eyes and started to think about something more important.

It has been two days since that saving-an-almost-dead-gorgeous-boy incident.

I have been willingly coming to the resort so that I can hear any news about him. I hope he isn't dead. It'll kill me because if he died that'll be partially my fault as I had been too slow to get him to his car and couldn't stop his blood properly and I had been stupid enough to actually listen to him when he told me not to Inform the Vaccination center-

Shut up brain. He'll be OKAY.

I wanted my scarf back too which I wrapped around his wound. I'll have to give it a nice good wash. That is if I get it back. Please please I hope they didn't just carelessly threw it away. I hope it's prettiness caught their eye....I doubt though. It must have been totally blood-soaked to look pretty anymore.  Am I being selfish, praying about my stupid scarf rather than his well-being?

Groaning I prayed for his well-being too which I had been doing from the day they all left me in the parking lot, but my mind loved to guilt-trap me alot apparently.

I glanced at my sketchbook next to me. I brought it as a distraction with me to the resort so I can kill my time while waiting for the news. Which hadn't been an entirely futile attempt.

My hands itched to pick up the pencil again. To draw. But I decided against it. The last thing I need right now is depression. Which the fact that I am not good at art brings me alot.

The problem with me is, I want to learn EVERYTHING. Literally. And not just learn, I want to be GOOD at it.

I am good at alot of things though. I am good at photography, writing, poetry, reading, editing, a bit of graphic designing, finding pirated stuff  'cause my parents would never let me buy any app or anything, and studying?

I am good at these all, I am not GREAT at any of these. Which kills me.

And don't get me started on sketching. It's like something I really really want to be good at. But apparently I can't become Picasso just like that. "It takes ALOT of time" Amber, my best friend aka an incredibly talented artist tells me all the time. Well easy for her to say. She has long passed that horrible phase I am in and is now making such amazing pieces (MaShaAllah, incase I jinx it).

A notification ping broke my reverie. Reaching across from where I was, I grabbed it and unlocked it.

It was a message from my other best friend, Simin.

"Can you please download a cute ebook for me? I don't have net."

I rolled my eyes, smiling. Her preference In books is so different from mine. She likes cute, adorable stuff devoid of any badass action while I would HIGHLY appreciate it if there is blood and fighting and war in a book (romance would be immensely appreciated too as a sideline).