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i want to strangle myself when the obsessive thoughts arrive and refuse to leave. i try to distract myself without success. i listen to music so loudly my eardrums are on the verge of bleeding. the thoughts still never shut up. everything i do is never enough to fix myself. as much as i want to, i can't. yet i still continue to try, and i'm convinced at this point that all my attempts to recover are pathetically meaningless.

-journal entry from june 2, 2021

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