Divergent: A Retelling

Scared of my Own Mind

Four stands between all the tables and all conversation immediately ceases. "Transfers. We're doing something different today. Follow me." We stand and Uriah's forehead wrinkles. "Be careful. They've almost gotten two of my friends now." "Don't worry." Says Will. "We'll protect her."

Four leads us out of the dining hall and along the paths that surround the pit. Will is on Tris's left and Christina is on her right. I trail behind them, checking my six every five seconds. Christina and Tris are whispering, but I can't hear what they're saying. It's too loud, too many different voices. We climb higher up the paths, higher than we've ever gone. Will's face turns a sheet white color as he looks down over the side. Tris grabs his arm as we keep walking. I hug the wall, not even thinking of looking down. Four turns around and walks backwards a few steps - it's ridiculous to show off right now - He eyes Peter, who's beginning to struggle in the back. "Pick up the pace Peter!" he yells to him, and I smile out the corner of my mouth. It's cruel, seeing as how Peter was beaten to a pulp by Tris's mystery saviour, but it doesn't bother me. We get as close to the glass ceiling as I've ever been, and for the first time in a while, I see the sun. It shines through the glass, and it's rays make me feel better. Four walks up a flight of metal stairs leading through a hole in the ceiling. They creak under my feet, as if they haven't been used in months. I hesitate to follow when Four starts to walk on the glass, which is more of a floor now. We walk into a cylindrical room with glass walls. The surrounding buildings are half-collapsed and appear to be abandoned, which is probably why the Dauntless compound has never been noticed before. It looks like another empty husk of the past. The Dauntless mill around the glass room, talking in clusters. At the edge of the room, two Dauntless fight with sticks, laughing when one of them misses and swipes at the air. Above our heads, two ropes stretch across the room, one is placed a few feet higher than the other. They must have something to do with all the daredevil stunts Dauntless is known for. Four leads us through another door, and what's beyond it is a huge dank space filled with graffitied walls and exposed pipes. It rubs me the right way. I'm mesmerized by the once illegal art. It looks like one big, complicated painting. The room is lit by a series of old fashioned lamps with plastic covers. They look ancient. "This," says Four, looking daunting in the pale light, "is a different kind of simulation known as the fear landscape. It has been disabled for our purposes, so this isn't what it'll be like the next time you see it."
Behind him, the word 'Dauntless' is spray painted red on the wall in threatening letters. "Through your simulations, we have sorted data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that date and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears you've already faced in your previous simulations. Some may be new fears that will catch you off guard. The difference between the fear landscape and the simulations is that you are aware you're in the fear landscape, that it's a simulation. You'll have all your wits about you as you go through it."
That means, everyone will feel like me when they're in the simulation. They'll understand it like someone divergent does. It takes away my edge, but also makes it easier to seem like everyone else. Four continues. "The number of fears you experience in the landscape entirely depends on how many fears you have." I must have dozens. I feel a little lightheaded, thinking about having to go through so many fears. "I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation. That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body - to combine the physical abilities you learned in stage one, and the emotional abilities you learned in stage two, to keep a level head." One of the fluorescent lights above Fours head flickers. Four scans the initiates.

"Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighed more heavily than stage one, stage three is the heaviest of all. Understand?" We all nod, some uncertainly. I take a deep breath. All I have to do is pass stage three now. Then I have a chance at being Dauntless. I let the craving boil in my chest. It's the best motivation I have right now, my craving for the future. "You can get past each obstacle in one of two ways. Either you find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation to move on. One way to face a fear of drowning is to swim deeper, for example." I take mental notes, since my fear of the ocean is a connection to drowning. Four shrugs. "So I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop a strategy."