Liberty Calling

Chapter 39

Seth woke me gently as the light of the morning began to dawn, and we began on our way towards New York. I wondered if Richard had found Levi. Where they were now. I could not imagine the fear my brother must have been feeling, not necessarily for himself, but for his wife and unborn child. As Seth led the mare down the road, and out of sight from that terrible little clearing of the wood, I smiled, knowing that I could tell my brother that we had succeeded. That his secret was kept hidden, and that he could live a life of peace and safety. For the present, anyway.

The change I saw in Seth that day was like winter melting immediately into summer. Since our arrival at the camp, a permanent scowl had seemed to be drawn upon his face. But now, he smiled and laughed and his shoulders seemed less burdened. It was a relief to my heart, for it was the side of him which had captured my affections. But I couldn't ignore the cold pit in my stomach. Now and then the Lieutenant's face came to mind. I could see it all so vividly- the glint of the pistol in the firelight, the way I screamed to Seth, and the shot that deafened the night. I'd killed that man, really. If I'd not alerted Seth to the pistol beside him, Alcock may yet be alive. But, another side of my mind interrupted, if Alcock lived, would Seth? Would you? The dilemma of options made my stomach twist painfully and made me lightheaded.

Seth pulled the horse to a stream a short time later to let her drink, for now, we were in no rush. I watched the water tumble over the rocks that lay beneath. Shards of light bounced off the ripples in the water's surface and made me blink. The wind picked up my hair, and cast it in front of my face, for all my pins had long since fallen out. It was odd, I'd not noticed before that it all tumbled loose around my shoulders and down my back. I wondered how long it had been like that. I must have looked a mess. I'd not even brought a hat in my panic to leave, and now and then a lingering metallic taste told me that some blood remained on my face.

A strong arm wrapped slowly around my waist, and as Seth came to stand beside me, I could not help but let my head rest against him. I hardly had a right to be as exhausted as I was, for he'd not slept at all.

"What do you think of?" he asked.

I hardly knew how to respond. My mind flashed through a thousand thoughts at once, and I could not manage to grab ahold of just one. "Last night," was all I could manage to say.

He breathed deeply and kissed the top of my head so lightly I could have mistaken it for the breeze. "It will get better," he told me. "It will. Be patient with yourself, and slowly that...heavy tightness in your chest will leave. You'll always remember what happened, but...it will get better."

I bit my lip, though it still ached from the night before. I wasn't so sure he was right. How could he be? This terrible...guilt that felt as tangible as he did beside me felt as though it would never leave me.

His arm loosened, and he bent to pick up a small rock that lay at our feet. It was round and flat, and I watched with curiosity as he rubbed his fingers over it. He crouched a bit, and flung the rock towards the stream, where it jumped over the water's surface in three little arches before sinking below.

"Did your brothers ever teach you?" he asked me. When he turned, a smile was beginning to form on his face. I scowled a little, confused by the sudden change. And then all at once, I realized his intentions. Once again, he was protecting me from my own thoughts. Oh, how grateful I was for him.

"They tried to, when I was young. Elias was incredible at it, but I never could figure it out."

He held out a hand, which I took in mine, and he pulled me closer to the water's edge. "Let's try again then, shall we? Here, we have to find a flat stone." He stooped to pick one up, and gently placed it in the palm of my hand. "Bring your arm back." He wrapped his arm around me to hold my wrist, and for a moment, my breath quickened and my heart raced. I wondered if that feeling would ever go away. I hoped not. "You have to put your fingers around the stone like this. When you let go, spin it."