Liberty Calling

Chapter 14

The air smelled of mud and rain. Though the storm had passed, the sky remained an oppressive grey, and it suited my mood.

"You don't need to go," I said, tossing a pebble against a tree. It ricocheted with a thud, and landed at Elias's feet.

"I know. But I want to."

I sighed, exasperated. For weeks, we'd had the same conversation, and for weeks I hoped he would agree with me. "Why, Elias? Why do you want to go? And don't tell me it's out of loyalty to the crown because you and I both know that's a lie."

His eyes fell to the grass, and he shifted to lean against a gnarled, ancient tree. The moss and sap clung to his jacket, but he didn't care. He never had minded things like that. "I can't describe it. I just...Father is gone. And Riah. The only reason Levi remains is because he has no option. I have no wife to keep me here, no apprenticeship. Nothing."

"And what about me? Am I not a good enough reason to stay?" 

The question made him look at me with intent. Those grey eyes I knew so well, that face that in so many ways was a mirror of my own, was not lit up with the passion of so many boys who went off to fight. Perhaps that's what bothered me. He did not feel passionately about the war he was so eagerly running towards. He was throwing away his life for a cause he could not care less about, and it was absolutely infuriating.

"Emmeline you know that isn't fair. Of course I love you, and I never would have a desire to leave you. But..." He sighed once more, and gave me a look that suggested he pleaded silently with me to understand.

An awful ache filled my chest, and spread through me like a disease. "I don't think I'll ever understand," I said quietly. When he said nothing, I took his hand in mine, and leaned my head against his shoulder. His hair was loose and as it drifted in front of my face, carried upon the wind, I could not tell which was mine and which was his. "You'll write to me?"

"Of course. As often as I can."

I nodded, and there we stood, our breathing and the song of the birds above us the only sound for miles. He would leave in the morning, and time passed far too quickly. I gripped at it furiously, trying to slow it down but failing time and time again. So I stood, and tried instead to memorize every moment we had with one another.

---

"Miss?" The maid's small voice pulled me from my memories, and I blinked. Reality rushed back in a moment, and I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. "Will that be all then Miss?"

"Yes, thank you."

As she left the room, I found myself staring at the floor, thinking of nothing in particular. Since Seth had gone, that small spark of joy I'd felt in the stables was extinguished. Levi could provide me moments of relief, and Ada could distract me from time to time. But I did not feel a hope of my life getting better. I did not feel as though I could one day progress and continue on without Elias.

I spent almost all my time composing, writing song after song, and yet finishing none. No matter the effort I poured into my time composing, I could not manage to find any resolution to the melodies. And so song after song piled up, waiting to be completed. Instead of solving the mystery of how they were to be played, I started new melodies that could perhaps provide some more clarity. None did.

One evening as I stood with my flute in hand, the smallest of footsteps caught my attention. I turned to find little Esther standing just a few paces behind me. Her hands were clasped behind her back, and she watched me with curiosity.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice that beautiful ringing that so reminded me of the bells horses wear in the winter.

"I'm trying to play my flute," I told her, kneeling.