Splintered Illusion

» twenty six «

We're both silent. No one says a word. But I could hear Puck's heavy, uncontrolled breathing - of rage. He was angry, and as much as I'd like to say it no longer had an effect on me, I have to admit that it still makes me nervous. Still reminds of the old him. Of the nights I cried myself to sleep, dreading the next morning, when I'd have to wake up and face him.

Staring out at the waterfall, at the way the water leaps down gracefully, I find myself wishing I wasn't stuck in this loop with Puck.

All of a sudden, Puck clicked off his seatbelt and pushed open the door, slamming it as he walked over to my side.

I watched warily as he avoided looking at me, opening my side of the car door and grabbing my arm roughly. I grunted as he forced me out of the car, protesting when he dragged me with him to the edge of the cliff.

"Don't touch me!" I exclaimed, yanking my arm out of his hold and crossing my arms over my chest. I glared at Puck, who didn't react, staring out at the waterfall with a troubled expression. "Why did you bring me here?" I demand, to which I receive no response.

Feeling like an ignored child, I huffed and started to turn away, but before I could take another step, Puck grabbed at my arm again, keeping me rooted to my spot.

"Oh, my God," I cried, frustration welling up inside me. "Why can't you just leave me alo -"

"Because I love you!" he shouted.

I froze. My breath hitched and I watched as Puck finally looked at me, his eyes wide and vulnerable, shoulders slumped.

"I'm in love with you, Polly," he whispered, calmly, sadly, "and I'm so sorry that I fucking suck at showing it."

I'm frozen for a minute, staring at him, shell-shocked. The guy who made my life a living hell, the guy who never missed the chance to torment me, the guy that broke my trust so many times just to earn it back and repeat the cycle - that guy loved me?

There was a pause. Then I laughed. I threw my head back and laughed - a bitter one. One that spat out all the shit I'd taken from him. From life.

I sensed Puck's confusion before I see it. And it just made me laugh harder.

I couldn't believe that for a moment, I even let myself consider that there was any truth in his words.

Suddenly, I felt the anger. Felt it boiling, hot and ready to burst. My laughter continued, but it turned into a sort of continuous sobs, racking my body like an earthquake. Tears started to pool in my eyes and by the time I made my first punch at Puck's chest, they're running down my face.

"You love me?!" I yelled, pushing and shoving at his chest. Puck looked like he expected this, his face of void of emotion as I continued my hitting at him. His expression and the fact that it seems to be doing nothing only made me more furious, my blows getting harder as I struggled to inflict pain on him - to make him feel what I felt every time he broke something in me.

Deep down, I felt the shame rise in me. I wanted him to feel the hurt I felt, and it made me no better than him. But all the pent up frustration and anger inside me refused to be put out this time. And I didn't have the energy to bear it inside me any longer.

"You don't love me," I told him. "That's not love!"

Suddenly, Puck's hands were around my wrists, stopping their relentless abuse on his chest. I didn't stop him, my breathing erratic and my heart pounding inside my rib cage.

He looked down at me, his eyes full of pain and sorrow - the pain and sorrow that I wanted him to feel.

But it didn't give me the satisfaction that I thought it would. Instead, it only made me sadder.