28

Irl/yt vidoe

*Two weeks later*
Nessa had gotten to the office of genius. They had asked her to come in and tell the meaning behind her song reckless. The girl was very scared but she brought quint and Madison with her. She sat there they wanted her and they started the video

*the video*
(A/n- I'm going to put the actual video in at the end)

Nessa: when you're in a relationship, you sometimes will get in a fight, and you're just like, fuck you, I hate you, da da da da da. Well, a toxic relationship, (chuckles) particularly. If you're in that type of relationship, things can escalate and you can say these things,  whereas afterward and you really feel what has gone on, you just are like, why'd you do this? Like, how could you do this to me? It's not even like, I hate you, I'm done with you, it's just like, how? Why? Why? There's nothing else to say. It's just, you're so hurt. So I think that the creative process with this song, in particular, was really interesting, because the first kind of thing that I had was the title, and was "Reckless." I thought that was really awesome, also I thought it was funny following up "Selfish," "Reckless." It just made sense in my head. It felt cool, and it was kind of about constructing this concept around the title because I said this in real life, I remember having a conversation with someone and saying, "How could you be so reckless?" And I was like, that's a good song idea. Writing this, I wanted to start it off, yeah, just being like, hey, whoever's reading this, this is a story that you know, it might take a toll on me telling it, but I want to, and I want it to be heard, and I wanna say these words because I feel like it will probably bring me some sense of inner peace. I wanted to portray this story of if you're dating somebody or seeing somebody, and there's kind of this person in their life that you might have, you're gut instinct might be a little off, and you're like, hmm, your relationship with this person seems a little bit more than just friends. This happened to me where I had my gut, every single time said individual was around, I was like, somethings going on here, this is weird. As somebody with strong intuition, I couldn't really ignore those feelings. As the song unfolds and as the story unfolded, it turned out that my gut instinct was right, and the moment that we broke up, these two got together, so it's kind of just like if I was invited, which was rare, to hang out with this group or these people, it felt like I was there because I had to be, not because anyone wanted me to be. That took a toll on me mentally, a lot. I felt like no one liked me and no one wanted me around, and it got to the point that I couldn't deal with it anymore, and I felt like I deserved more respect than to be left out of group environments, or if friend things were going on. I'm like, you as my boyfriend, or you as somebody who I'm with should want me there, and if you don't, I don't think that we should be together. Okay, now we're broken up, and I still don't wanna believe that anything's going on between the two of you, and I still have this letter that you wrote, and I'm reading it, and I'm hoping, and I'm praying that what I'm feeling and thinking is not true, and what I'm hearing is not true, because I have more faith in you and this girl, or whoever, to not hurt me in any capacity. So then the line comes where it's like, I guess my friends were right. That's a separate thing of finding out that it was indeed true and being like, okay, I guess I have to accept this as reality. And that's such a knife to the chest, and that's such a hard moment, 'cause you're like, why? I don't want this to be real. Like, it just hurts so much. To put self-doubt within yourself, and start questioning your sanity, and being like, wait, am I being ridiculous? There's nothing going on between these two, da, da, da, da, da. And then, you turn out to be right, and then that just sucks, and that's a really painful moment. That's the worst part about something happening, whether it's being cheated on, or whether it's, you know, my gut instinct was right, and maybe you didn't cheat on me, but you got with this girl the second we broke up, or whatever it might be, the situations all vary. But when somebody you're in a relationship tells you, I swear, it's not true, da, da, da, da, da, and then you find out it was, that's like even worse than it had been done. 'Cause I'm like, I trusted you when, not only did my gut, which doesn't question your gut ever, when your gut is telling you that something's up, and I'm questioning myself, you have me out here questioning myself, you're telling me that this is not true, and then it turns out to be true, that's worse than anything you could ever do to somebody, because I'm like, at least have the courage to own up, at least have the courage to tell me the truth. You did what you did, you made a choice, it's fine. We're all human at the end of the day. But the least you can do if you have some decency and love, and respect for me is being honest. There comes a point in certain relationships, that you get into this cycle, man, that's just like, okay, we're done, every argument, whether it's over where are we eating for dinner. It's like, we get into an argument, it gets escalated enough, it's like, okay, we're done, I'm breaking up with you, we're finished. And it's so repetitive, and once you get into that cycle, it can be hard to break out of it. Screw you both for letting me all for your tricks, making me think that nothing was going on, and making me think that I was crazy. Because if anyone's close to me, and this is like, full transparency, if people are close to me in my life, they know how much I struggle mentally, and especially when I'm alone at night in my bed, I'm sitting there overthinking everything under the sun, I'm an extremely paranoid person, I have crippling anxiety, like, everything on the list. And it's like, for you to know that I struggle on the level and to the capacity that I do, 'cause when you're close to me, you see it and you know, for you guys to let me spiral in my bed, and think that I'm being crazy, and perpetuate this narrative that I have in my head that I might be, I was just like, literally, fuck the both of you and all of humanity, at that same time. (chuckling) When we were trying to write a bridge, it just didn't feel right to have new lyrics come in there.  I just wanted to emphasize the reckless line, 'cause I'm just like, how could you do this to me? And I also really wanted to emphasize this, because I feel like this is a big departure for me from "Selfish," where "Selfish" is me talking about like, I always knew you weren't the right one for me, I always knew. But "Reckless" is like, I thought you could have been, I thought you could have changed for me, and I don't know how you could be so reckless with someone's heart. And that's also why I wanted that lyric flip on someone's heart rather than my heart, because it's just in general, like, I don't care if it's me, I don't care if its the next girl, I don't care if it's a stranger how could you not care? How does this not keep you up at night? I just can't comprehend that, and it was the line. I wanted to emphasize the most. And I was crying when I sang this part in the song. It was a very, very emotional part for me to sing. I wanted to end the song with that flipped perspective, talking to the listener or the reader, whoever it might be. Again I wanted to flip it back and be like, hey, I'm still here, by the way, I'm still talking to you and telling you this story. Verbalizing my feelings has been something that through therapy I've learned helps tremendously, because as somebody who does internalize a lot of things, and I have a lot of negative self-dialogue, talking about that out loud can take a lot of that negativity and pain off of it. And then also, just nod to the fact that if you made it this far in the song, and if you're still listening, I would assume you can relate to this, and I'm so sorry. And that's just what I wanted to say. And I knew that I wanted to end the song with this outro and apologize for if you can relate, I'm just like, I'm giving you a hug through the song. I now do navigate the world in a different way, and I have my guard up for sure. I have had my trust broken many, many times. And I, by the way, want to just add, because hi, internet, I love you, there's no drama or beef on my end between anybody. I have nothing but love for people in my past, and I think everybody serves their purpose and teaches you a lesson for a reason, so I don't fault anyone or hate anyone, so please don't send anything anyone's way. All is good in the world, there's more to focus on, and love is needed, so just wanted to say that. And also, yeah, I think that everyone teaches you a lesson and prepares you for your future and older self, and I am very grateful for the people in my life who taught me what I don't deserve.
*end of the video*

Once the video was over Madison and Quinton ran up to you and hugged you. You all go to Madison's Benz and head to in and out and get food and head back to 28. They walk and see Jaden and mads on the couch. Ness walks up to mads and Jaden and dropped their food on their laps and pours mads drink on her head and walks off to the kitchen.

Quinton: ooooooo

Madison: ooooooo

Jaden: the fuck ness

Nessa: what rolls her eyes I don't like her Jaden! You told me not to worry about her!

She gives coop and Quinton their food and sits on the counter and eats