Wrong Number / Calum Hood

90

Draft message to Kai

Me: shit, I told myself I wasn't going to do this again but I really need to talk to someone and just put my thoughts out there
Me: you were always there for me when I needed you and always helped me with my decisions before and I know you can now, even if you aren't here
Me: I literally have nothing to keep me here, no family or friends, no million dollar job with contracts that signed my life away, I'm just plodding along in a daze, the world flying by as I work five days a week to make ends meet
Me: yet I'm so fearful about the unknown of moving to another country. Not only that but one the other side of the world? Like what if I get there and Calum decides he doesn't want me anymore or that there's another better woman? What if I piss off his band mates somehow and they hate me?
Me: then I've lost what I have here only to be alone over there too.
Me: I'm scared
Me: but at the same time, the overbearing weight in my chest is convincing me to jump on a plane this instant and fly out to him. I can't bear to be away from him and our goodbyes hurt so much, the kind of pain I felt saying goodbye to you
Me: I want to imagine that you'll support me no matter my choice because you always believed in me more than family ever did.
Me: they didn't seem to care when they moved away and left me alone in this town
Me: hell they probably wouldn't even know if I moved anyway
Me: that feeling of being with Calum and his friends and their girlfriends is unrivalled, it's something I can't explain but I just feel high, just so fucking elevated and happy and I haven't felt like that in years. Not since I was with you.
Me: ah fuck I'm crying again.
Me: why did you have to leave me? I kinda knew it was coming but it still didn't make it any easier.
Me: I really want to see you again KaiKai.
Me: I love you

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