Sanford x Deimos (No More Updates Omg Go On Ao3 Its Better Than Wattpad)

7 1/2 (hurt/no comfort i guess part 2)

Im projecting again for this lmao :') some shit happened to some of my relationships so yeah my feelings might be put into this :P
(Also I'm okay so don't worry help)

I like the music that I put in cuz it kinda fits the mood idk help

TW//Abandoment issues//Intrusive and Su1cidal thoughts//Uhh blood idkdncksjksk dead stuff

Please read with caution, sorry I come back blasting you guys with a bit more sensitive topic! ⚠️

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For once.

Smoking wasn't working.

Were the feelings this intense?

His mind raced, did everyone he meet leave him?

You shouldn't jump too much in conclusion, you need to take control and know what's true.

His reasoning side of him made him relax a bit, but of course, intrusive thoughts weren't stopped by that.

People pity you, they don't stay because they want you, they feel bad about you.

No, that's not true.

Can't you see, it happens so many times, they're lying. They don't love you.

Why would anyone care about you anyway, you were always useless to the agency, why would you matter here, too?

Deimos, completely drained, slumped down completely till his bottom reached the ground, the cigarette in his mouth had fallen out and had burnt out on the ground below. His body ached, but in some way, he was just tired, he closed his eyes, the thoughts temporarily stopped, a bit of peace, but also time to question what he was doing. It always ended in some sort of, "Deimos, why would you cry about such nonsense? You're too fucking dramatic." A constant loop of hating himself.

But this time, he didn't want to leave the spot he was in. He was a mess, in states like this, he'd stay in bed all day and wish for everyone to leave him alone, but he did crave for some, reassurance, it was odd. He never knew what he wanted.

Deimos hoped that maybe something would come by and kill him at this point. These feelings always bothered him, he felt like a burden to everyone, maybe he was a heavy drag to Sanford, maybe he held him down, maybe if he just, died, everything would be better. His eyes closed, his body wanting to just get energy at this point.

-

Sanford had finished up practicing with Hank, he thanked him and his immediate thought was to see Deimos. He proceeded to their shared room, Deimos always was there, either on his computer or resting in bed, his boyfriend had constantly seemed exhausted, his usual intense energy degraded and bags under his eyes got heavier and more noticeable, even though he seemed to sleep a lot, Sanford has asked if he was okay, which Deimos always replied with, "Yes, I'm okay, don't worry." He felt as if he was hiding something, but never wanted to pressure his boyfriend into telling him.

He was a bit taken a back when he wasn't in the bedroom, he got worried, but made an immediate assumption that he was in the bathroom, he walked by there, but it was unoccupied.

It was weird if Deimos ever left the base, which made him more tense, Did Deimos get kidnapped? Maybe the A.A.H.W got to him?

Sanford clenched his fists, he was scared he wasn't able to protect him, but there was no point of overthinking, there was no sign of a break in, and they probably would've heard something anyway.

He made sure to check any rooms in case Deimos was still in the premises, but nothing. He ran outside, he tried to look for any traces of disturbance near by, and saw only a pair of foot prints leading quite far, but still near the surroundings of the base.

He had a weapon strapped against his side in case it wasn't Deimos, but in a slow pace, he made his way to where the prints led. Eventually finding a vacant corner, or so he thought, a limp body there, it was Deimos. Horrified, he lifted up the boys body a bit more erect, so he wasn't slouching , he noticed there was no blood, and Deimos' eyes were slightly opened, he seemed lifeless.

"Deimos, what happened?!" You could sense the worry in his voice. The tired man was out of Sanfords grasp and he had slumped against his partners chest. He wanted comfort, but he was always scared to be open about things like this.. what if Sanford found it stupid? Or what if he left him anyway about such a small issue. He didn't know what to do, all he did was just, cry. "Dei, did anyone hurt you?" Sanford asked, his arms wrapping around Deimos. "Take me back, please." Was all that the fatigued man had said, his brain wasn't working with him, he felt like as if he wasn't existing in the world. Sanford did as he was asked, not taking a second thought of it, he just wanted Deimos safe and comfortable.

They arrived back, Deimos hadn't let go of Sanford the whole time, and he still was grasping onto him. All Sanford did was comfort him, he of course, felt terrible if he made his partner spit out everything by force, he wanted him to take his time.

"Sanford, are you going to leave me?"

Sanford was confused, why did he think this?

"No, Dei, I'm here.." He said, his hands on Deimos' head.

"Do you promise?" He questioned again.

"Of course, I won't let anyone hurt you, Dei."

--

But yet,

The day I let my guard down.

Sanford was hovering against Deimos' lifeless, bloodied, body, he had left him alone. Sanford kneeled down and attempted to grasp him, just like before, his tears coming down non stop. Deimos' body felt cold, it was no longer the same, nice warmth that he produced.

I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise. Just know that I'm still here..

He cradled Deimos, not wanting to leave his side.

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Giggles and points at the sad bitches reading this

Okay idk IM NOT GOOD AT ANGST !!!!!!!!

Ily guys sorry I made shit sad

omggg THERES SO MANY WRONG THINGS AITH THIS I GOTTA EDITTT