Silence

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Silence...

Silence was all I heard and felt. The sound of the heavy, dark silence that filled this depressing yet memorable room. The last place that I thought I would have to look at my mom for the last time, the last place that I thought I would how to FEEL her presence for the last time: a funeral home. 3 years ago, I felt this same feeling before, when the one who taught me how to tie my shoes, how to count to ten, how to say his name, whom was my dad, passed away. It was the morning of my birthday, that one dreadful morning. My mom promised she would make sure I'd never feel like that again at that funeral, she was my best friend, my everything..... and from now on I can't call her at 3am asking her to binge watch shows with me, I can't cry on her shoulder when I need to, I can't carpool and sing songs on the top of my lungs with her anymore, can't eat, can't sleep.....can't live...without her. The same place where I last saw my dad is where I'll see my mother....

I tasted the salty tear that fell from my cheek as I placed my shaking hand on my mother's as she laid in her beautiful casket to take her final rest. Her skin was cold to the touch. She looked amazing, I smiled as I tried to accept the fact that she's gone as I thought about the funny and fun moments we had together. The smile I had was trying it's best to hide the real pain I was feeling.

Like the time my ex boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me with co worker more than once, and instead of motivating me to get better and stop crying everyday, she put snicker bars in his gas tank and took me to pour cow manure  fertilizer all around his house.

I laughed even louder digging deeper into my thoughts ... until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

It was Jacob, dressed in a royal blue and white suit, which where her two favorite colors. I looked around to see that the church was now empty...everyone had already left.

"Y/n.... time to go... they're ready to take her to the graveyard." He said softly.

I wiped my face and looked back at her for a final time. I took a deep breath in and nodded my head yes as the other 5 men who were going to carry her to the car walked in. I let go of her hand, silently whispering "goodbye mom" as I was doing so. Jacob kissed me on my forehead and gave me a big long hug.

"Whatever you need, I'm always gonna be here with you, okay? I love you y/n." He took off his suit jacket and put it over my shoulders. He joined the other men so they could all carry the casket to the car outside. I followed them out of the church...

3 hours later....

I stepped out of Jacob's truck, closing the door behind me. So did his mom, and two cousins,behlen and noah. My family was close family friends to Jacob's family, which was why they were at the funeral, and how we met, and how we got together.

I quickly got out my keys and started walking to my front door of my moms house. I hesitantly put the keys in the door and twisted. I felt a cool breeze as the door opened swung open. And again was that familiar sound as I stepped in the cool house...silence. I walked through the house reminiscing all the memories I had with my parents here. This is where I grew up, this is where I always loved to be....now dark and depressing. As I walked to the living room, I saw Jacob and his family sitting on the couch.

I sat down on the couch in between of Jacob and his mom. It went silent for a moment, and then I felt a hand on my knee. It was Jacob's mom, who was one of my mom's best friends.

"It's okay, sweetie....you already know shes in her peaceful room, with golden walkways and with the whitest clouds that god himself could make. She loved you in life, death, and she still loves you in her afterlife. I know she was extremely important to you, everyone's mother is. But trust me, you're not alone, and if you need anything I'm here." She spoke wisely.

I chuckled with tears coming down my face. She was honest and she spoke truly. I thank her for caring.

"The only thing I want and need is her. Without her... it feels as if I have no one. I have no siblings, no god parents, no cousins that I know would call me and try to be there for me, now I have no parents....I have no one. I appreciate it but as of right now...I'm alone." I began silently crying.

"But you're not..." I heard behlen say. I raised my head up and looked at her.

"How?..."

"We're here aren't we?" Noah spoke.

"Look Ameerah was my best friend... and I'd never let her daughter suffer, if you need a mom to be there for you, if you need to talk, if you need a place to go to cope, I'll always be a phone call away, y/n. And that's a promise I'll make to you, and Ameerah."

I smiled and hugged her tightly as she did the same.

We both let go from our embrace.

"Oh and Jacob promises that,too." She says looking at him. We all laugh.

"Mom she's my baby, I'll always be there, no matter what." Jacob put his arm around my shoulder in exchange I held his hand once it went around my shoulder.

He gently kissed me on my lips with his plump and soft lips. His kisses almost made all the pain go away, every time he would place his lips on my skin it would feel like fireworks going off inside my heart and mind. He always made me feel happy, complete and loved no matter the situation...except this one....the hole in my heart is just way too deep for him to fill.

I disconnected our lips and smiled back at him as he smiled at me with his beautiful brown eyes. I looked at behlen and noah to see them with their eyes closed and noah gagging. Jacob his mom and me began laughing at their disgust.

" so y/n...whats one thing you really enjoyed doing with Ameerah? Let's try and remember today as not a sad day, but a happy one. Like a cathartic relief." Ms Perez asked.

I chuckled.

"A couple days before she passed....she wanted to have a movie night with me and our close friend Diamond."

"Hmm....Jacob?"

"Yeah mom?"

" You mind going to the kitchen and cooking some popcorn getting some snacks?"

"I'll help." Me and behlen said at the same time.

Ms perez chuckled. "Let's all go help"
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"When those you love die, the best you can do is honor their spirit for as long as you live."

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