Shoelaces

Fashion Shows

One thing I'm grateful I never had, is a TV in my room. Cause back when I was alive, watching the TV was the only thing that motivated to actually leave my room. I had to go all the way downstairs to watch a live episode. But now, since Alex told me I could "install" a EarthVision TV in my afterlife room, I have no reason to be anywhere except my bed. Alex tells me it's healthy to go out and do the stuff that I used to enjoy. No offense to Alex, but that's bullshit. Doing the stuff, I used to enjoy just isn't fun anymore. It's more of a distraction. So far, I've only had one "distraction" from everything, and that was using EarthVisit to see Jazmine. And that was important, so of course I did that. What I realized is that coming back into your regular mind after the distraction isn't pleasant.

Really, I guess the thing I realized is that it's easier to never forget. Waking up each "morning" without knowing where you are or who you are is nice... for the five seconds it lasts. But then, you remember everything. And your body isn't adjusted to the pain you feel because it hasn't felt it when you were sleeping or for the five seconds of amnesia. But that split second of remembrance is the worst pain. It starts to get duller and duller overtime, like a logarithmic graph. Unfortunately, the limit to this one does not seem to approach zero. So that's why I don't distract myself with anything. If I remember it constantly, I never have to re-remember it and start from scratch.

It's been a couple of days since I visited Jazmine. I snapped this digital calendar and clock into my room so I can figure out when it would be if I was still on Earth. So far, it's been a month and two weeks of limb time since I died, the date colored in light blue on the digital map. That's the first date that's in the calendar which is weird, but I'm used to it by now. The wilder thing is that I would be in college right now. Instead, I'm here. Hey, at least I don't have to do homework... I guess. Right now, I'm watching Jazmine at soccer practice, with a bowl of oatmeal in front of me with coffee. I snapped it in for myself, but I don't feel like eating it. There's no point. Jazmine dribbles up the right side of the pitch, getting past a defender wearing a blue pinnie. She cuts in, then crosses it over to a girl in the box. The girl jumps and headers the ball past the goalie. Goal! Jazmine runs over to the girl, and they do this weird little sideways hug thing that soccer players always do when they score. Jazmine looks to the sky and smiles, running back to midfield. She's been doing that a lot ever since I visited her.

After I got back from my visit to Jazmine, I went back to the EarthVision center in the hub and forced myself to watch the highlight reels of my family and Santiago. It being the worst thing I watched in my life is an understatement. I first got myself to watch the one of my family. The screen showed a clip of them at my funeral which was just as weird as the first time, going to my favorite restaurant after it too. I almost snapped myself in some of the food. Don't think I deserved it, though. The screen showed little segments of them hugging each other, sometimes each of them waking up in the middle of the night. Definitely a record breaker for our collective tears. But they seemed to be doing well for everything that's happening. They have each other, and more than enough memories of me trapped in my unopen room. They'll be okay.

Their segment went to black, which meant I only had one more profile to watch. Santiago De Rosa's. I probably stared at his little icon on the screen for an hour, before I finally brought my finger down on the remote. I then proceeded to chuck the remote at the screen when the first clip showed up. The screen had the fucking moxie to start with a clip of Santiago collapsed in the middle of a street, his hand caressing my lifeless face. His tears fell onto my body. He screamed for help. For me to get up. He screamed at the medics pulling him away from my corpse. He was collapsed on the sidewalk when the video finally changed. The next clip was the funeral. This EarthVision thing is really putting the fun into funeral, right? The next segment was him standing on the overlook he took me to in the mountains. He was probably there for a whole day. From sunrise to sunset just staring off the mountain. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared he was gonna take another step. The next clip was him hugging his mom. Then it was him calling Dartmouth, telling them he was taking a gap year. Luckily, judging by his reaction (and then asking Alex when I finally controlled my sniffles) they gave it to him. The final clip was him staring at a selfie he took of us at some restaurant. I could make a reference to Matrix or Inception here. He was shaking. I was too. Two peas in a pod, I guess.